Decayed
by Rex Sun
Summary: Suzaku dies that day in Shinjuku, and Lelouch sets off on a different path: one that is destined to decay with time./ Alternate storyline. Gore. All pairings mild.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, I am Rex. This is my first epic fanfiction, and the second fanfiction I ever wrote in general. Originally written for a gen prompt at cgkinkmemeii at livejournal about what would happen if Suzaku died early in the series, my fill grew and mutated and took on a life of it's own. Therefore, I think the pacing differences between this first chapter and the rest of the chapters is pretty wide.

WARNING: This thing is gross. It is gorey and squicky. If you are not bothered by such, please do read. But if you are easily disturbed, this is not the story for you, and please turn back before I feel really guilty.

Thank you.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 1**

Suzaku dies that day in Shinjuku, and all Lelouch can think about is that he is the only one who gives a damn.

When he comes home after witnessing his first friend bleed to death on concrete, countless other innocent people ripped to shreds, and his big brother's brains splattered on the throne by his own hands, Lelouch's fingers shake so badly he can't open the back door. It is Sayoko who greets him, dressed for sleep with a gown pulled modestly over herself. She looks fully awake. Lelouch goes upstairs to check on Nunally (breathes a sigh of relief because for one crazy moment he thought maybe, maybe Clovis already knew we were here or maybe someone overheard me talking to him or maybe the sky fell and Nunally, too, would be dead, face down as Suzaku was, the wood floor stained beneath her). Sayoko momentarily serves him a bowl of rice that for some reason is warm, and Lelouch is grateful that she doesn't bother asking Lelouch where he's been.

Lelouch sleeps deeply but not well, tossing and cracking open his eyes at five twenty eight in the morning, too bothered by a dream about Clovis to not see his gentle blue eyes staring from above his bed in judgment.

* * *

><p>Lelouch can't bring himself to say anything to Nunally. He takes her hand in the morning because she was so distressed by his disappearance, but that is all he has to do and she gasps and asks him what's wrong. Lelouch removes his hand from hers- "It's nothing you should worry about, Nunally" -but he feels if he opens his mouth any more, he'll vomit right on top of their shiny black shoes.<p>

So he manages to get through the next day, really, by specifically not thinking of that day. Or tries not to, anyway. At one point he really does vomit after seeing some footage, watched for entertainment, the truth twisted by reporters.

Lelouch sits in his room that evening and searches the web for news about Shinjuku. He had forced Clovis to order that all the bodies be treated with care, whether Brittanian or Eleven, but no one bothers to list the names of dead Elevens, not even the soldiers. No matter how much he searches, Lelouch cannot find one Suzaku Kururugi listed.

He leaves that very day to visit Shinjuku.

The world is still light out, somehow, by the time he is walking through fields of trash bags, clearly separated from the body bags of the Brittanians. He had considered bringing a handkerchief sprayed with perfume, but then thought maybe it would be an insult to his friend, with whom he once traversed decimated cities. At one point, he recalls grimly, the bodies of the Japanese had lain so thickly over the ground that there was no more stepping over, only stepping on.

He holds his breath as much as he can. Doesn't even breath through his mouth, just doesn't breath at all, because he doesn't exactly want to taste death on his tongue.

Suzaku is in a body bag, not a trash bag, thank god thank god hallelujah. It says, Suzaku Kururugi, approximately 15 to 19, male, 11. A photo of his dead face is included in the tag, but it isn't enough. Lelouch leans down and unzips the bag.

* * *

><p>Someone anonymous posts online that the son of former Prime Minister Genbu Kururugi, Suzaku Kururugi, is dead. The post gets mild interest from the rest of the anonymous collective, but it soon dies away and Suzaku is forgotten. Truly, the world is mad; Lelouch knows this as he toys with a pocket watch that belonged once to Genbu Kururugi. It is whole, somehow untarnished from the battle. It ticks away steadily in the palm of his hand.<p>

* * *

><p>The night after his first appearance as Zero, in which he spoke to Kallen's terrorist buddies, Lelouch dreams of Suzaku for the first time since his death.<p>

It is a strange dream that doesn't quite add up. They are together in the fields of sunflowers, but Suzaku is grown, not a little boy, and so is Lelouch. It all seems very natural to him at the time, however, and he enjoys playing again with Suzaku.

"I've missed you, Lelouch."

"Yeah," Lelouch says. It isn't adequate. His eyes water a little from the brightness of the sunflowers. "I missed you, too. I didn't realize how much."

Suzaku grins in the way Lelouch remembers, boyish and mischievous and warm. "Missed getting beat up by me, did you?"

Lelouch can't help but be his old self here. "Of all the-! Of course not, you fool! I missed-"

He stops, because he suddenly realizes why the ground he's running on is so uneven. There are bodies underneath the flowers, their dull greys and reds contrasting sharply with the ultra-brightness of the green stalks and yellow petals and blue, blue sky. Fertilizer. Lelouch smells decay and the sweetness of nature all around him.

"Missed?" Suzaku asks, walking back towards him, a giant sunflower held to his chest, partially obscuring his face. Zero's mask rests in the center of the petals.

"Well," Lelouch admits, promptly forgetting the dead people he is standing on. "You made me happy."

"I did that?"

"Yes. And I don't think I've been quite as happy since."

* * *

><p>It takes a lot longer than he would have guessed to make the Japanese trust him. Lelouch hadn't expected it to be easy, exactly, but he did feel enormous pressure- to the point where sweats himself to waking at night. Sometimes he reaches for the pocket watch he places on his bedside table at night, looks at it, and wonders what Suzaku would say.<p>

Suzaku, who was always brave and strong. Suzaku, not lived even a fourth of his natural life. When he imagines Suzaku now, it's in the same vein as that horrible dream in which that beautiful summer was marred by the death and decay. He sees, in his mind's eye, Suzaku leaning against a tree, looking healthy and warm and- there's that strange gentleness in his eyes before he closes them -there remains the empty shells of cicadas next to his skin, on the trees. Flowers wilt by his feet, still so bright but unable to take the heat. And Lelouch smells Suzaku, too. Suzaku smells like rot.

Still. Still. Suzaku was brave. Lelouch can't really fathom why he became a soldier, but Suzaku had still been Lelouch's friend. Suzaku had died for Lelouch, after all.

He'd been such a good person...

Lelouch feels his eyes grow hot and quickly switches to obsessing over his plans once more. So: Kaname Ougi. Leader of the terrorists that Lelouch had worked with on that day. Captured and soon to be publicly executed. This is Lelouch's- no, Zero's chance to make a miracle.

And a miracle he will make.

* * *

><p>Mere moments before the plan to rescue Ougi in front of the entirety of Area 11 was to be enacted, Zero takes a moment to compose himself, removes his helmet, and Lelouch vomits.<p>

It almost seems like that is all he can do, lately. Mostly it comes out clear, and Lelouch is left with the same clenching emptiness that matches the feeling in his chest perfectly.

He clenches his fist briefly around the Kururugi pocket watch. Hears Suzaku's voice say, "You and I together, we can do anything"- the same promise from their childhood, carried on putrid breath from between rotting teeth...

-or, just the wind, breezing past his sweaty, bared neck. Nothing more. The smell of exhaust fumes, from the car the terrorists had put together for him. Nothing more. Zero replaces the mask and straightens, walking out confidently, glad they were far enough away to not have heard him in a moment of weakness.

Amongst nervous or irritated glances, he takes his place behind the flag of Brittania. He doesn't pretend that they trust him an ounce. They're helping him only because they have a beloved friend to save.

Zero understands.

* * *

><p>Zero is forced to use his Geass on Gottwald. Ougi looks very confused and beaten as he walks stiffly to meet Zero and Kallen in the middle of the street. He also looks a little scared, but that dies down at the flip of red hair peeking out from Kallen's cap. The plan goes as smoothly as Zero could have wanted, and soon enough Ougi is reunited with his friends. They look up at him after they say their hellos and Are you okay?s with eyes shining. Not at him, but they look at him with happiness, pride, and hope, left over from their reunion with Ougi. It's not for Zero. Not yet anyway.<p>

Ougi approaches him, neck raw, face split and bruised, and he bows his gratitude. Zero (Lelouch) does not bow back.

"Join me," he says imperiously, voice booming and broken through the voice scrambler and the echoes of the building. Even through the mask, he smells dripping water and mildew.

Ougi smiles. "Yes. We will make a good team."

* * *

><p>Lelouch returns home that night, very satisfied with the day's events, to find a woman in a prison suit sitting with his younger sister. Lelouch splutters at her, barely registering such a strange name- C.C.? -and he can't get her away from Nunally fast enough.<p>

"How come you came back to life?" he asks her at one point.

"Came back? Implying that I died."

"You did," he says, simple and stubborn, glaring at her as she makes herself comfortable in his bed. She smiles back at him, cat-like.

"I guess I did."

"It isn't fair," Lelouch hisses.

And she agrees. "No, it really isn't."

* * *

><p>Shortly thereafter, Margrave Jeremiah Gottwald loses his command, and becomes, simply, Jeremiah Gottwald. Cornelia li Brittania takes control of Area 11 in Clovis' place. Euphemia li Brittania becomes the sub-viceroy, but rumor leaks out that she was injured somehow. When Lelouch digs further on the internet, there is something written very scarcely about a scuffle between the Purebloods. When Euphemia and Cornelia appear together on the television, one of Euphemia's arms is harnessed to her body. The scandal takes some time to die down.<p>

At some point, more food than usual starts appearing on his plate. When Lelouch realizes it, he looks up in surprise to where Sayoko is placing a glass of milk next to Nunally's plate. She says nothing, but after dinner she corners him. He's a little intimidated, not really having received such attention for about eight years. All she does, though, is take his pulse, and rest the back of her hand against his forehead.

Results inconclusive, she backs up a pace, smoothes his hair where she messed it up, and then walks away to attend her duties to Nunally. That night, Lelouch lies on his side, arms circling his turbulent stomach, C.C. sleeping carelessly next to him. He falls asleep late into the night and dreams of Sayoko. Sayoko turns into his mother, living, who turns into his mother, dead, who turns into Suzaku, dead, who turns into Suzaku, alive. Even when he's alive, though, Suzaku smells like he's dead.

* * *

><p>That horrible woman... smells like pizza. She orders many different kinds of pizza with his debit card, but she often orders the kind with mushrooms. The smell makes him even sicker.<p>

One day as Lelouch is having tea with Nunally- anything to get run away from the horrible smell of mushrooms (not to say tea with Nunally is a bad option) -the most ridiculous thing happens. Somehow a cat has gotten hold of his Zero mask.

The resulting chase is, frankly, ludicrous. In fact, trying to crawl up the side of slanted roof after the damned creature, Lelouch loses his grip and falls. He manages to catch onto the ledge of a window, but his strength gives out. It slows him down enough for the football team to crowd under him, though, and the only thing hurt is his pride. The student council rushes over to make sure he is alright. Past their leg, he sees the cat walking away, mask-less, and Lelouch is so relieved he starts to laugh.

His friends don't quite understand, but laugh with him. He spends the rest of the afternoon dodging questions, and has to give a kiss to a girl that snatched the cat into her arms. Nunally names the cat Arthur.

Suzaku came to mind. Suzaku had loved cats. Of course, Suzaku always came to mind.

* * *

><p>"Brother?"<p>

"Mmhm?"

"Do you ever think of Suzaku?"

Lelouch freezes utterly in the middle of inputting data into his laptop. His stomach flips and he suppresses a- well, he doesn't know what he's holding down, maybe yet more vomit, or perhaps a scream or tears or something very, VERY unpleasant.

"What brought this up, Nunally?"

They are sitting in the living room on a Saturday. Sayoko has the day off, and all the electric things save Lelouch's computer are shut down. Even the bulbs have been turned off, and the room is illuminated gently, beautifully by the bright sunlight streaming in through the open windows. Nunally is facing these windows, the breeze lifting her hair and tossing it about her face. Bathed in this pureness, she looks like an angel to him.

"Nothing in particular. I just think of him very often," she says softly.

"Very?"

"Yes, very often. I've been so happy lately. I think Suzaku would've been great friends with Milly and Rivalz and Shirley... and I think Nina would have gotten used to him. After all, Suzaku managed to make even you like him, brother." She giggles happily.

"Nunally," he starts and then has to clear his throat because his voice cracks a little. She cocks her head in his direction. "I..." (He can't do it he can't do it he can't do it, sorry Suzaku) "...I think of him often, too."

For once he is glad Nunally is blind, because she smiles as he cries.

"Big brother, it's okay to admit it. You loved him, didn't you?" Lelouch doesn't answer right away, so Nunally continues. "I really loved him. He was like another brother. I adored him. What about you?"

"Yes," Lelouch finally says, and opens his mouth to say more, but feels something coming up, and so he has to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Again, warning: this piece contains gore and other gross things.

As a new, inexperienced author, I would appreciate concrit on my flow and pace. Thank you! And thanks for reading!

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><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 2**

The news broadcasts that Viceroy Cornelia is cleaning out the Saitama ghetto, and Lelouch recognizes the setup for what it is immediately. He almost expects the moment when C.C. levels a gun at him. She, on the other hand, doesn't seem to expect the gun he puts to his own head.

"Before I met you, I was dead," he says, a slight smile on his face. He finds that he is not bothered at all by the thought of dying. "An impotent corpse living behind the guise of life, a life in which I did nothing real. Day to day, I merely went through the motions of living, as if I were a zombie, and I always had the feeling that I was gradually dying. If I am condemned to go back to that, then I'd rather..."

He begins to pull the trigger until she finally backs down. He still smiles at her, unfazed. He thinks of his mother, of Suzaku, one rotted and one, perhaps, still rotting, but he doesn't know how long it takes, really. Death wouldn't be so bad, he thinks, except then Nunally would be the one haunted by decay.

* * *

><p>Zero fails utterly at Saitama, and Lelouch hates to be the one being saved by C.C. He belatedly admits that he should have called in Ougi and the others, but perhaps part of him was sure he could do it just as he had before. C.C. tells him he is arrogant as she flips her hair from Zero's collar.<p>

He does not fail during the hotel jacking. This time, he calls Ougi and together they capture the attention of all of Area 11. Meeting Euphemia was... strange, to say the least, just as confronting Clovis had been nigh otherworldly. The Black Knights make their debut, and most of all, the admiration of even Brittanians. After all, Zero and his Black Knights single-handedly took care of the hotel jacking while the Brittanian military stood to the side, looking as fools.

The Black Knights' popularity could only soar from there; they took on criminals and corruption and their numbers swelled furiously. Lelouch even managed to forget, from time to time, that the two people he had loved most in the world were murdered.

He doesn't really know what makes him do it. He never told anyone about himself if he could help it, and so to say something to Kallen, of all people, completely defied his own reasoning. Still...

"Brittania killed a friend of mine."

She whips her head to look at him. She suddenly looks contrite, biting her lip. The day isn't so bad, and the mist wafting over from the nearby fountain feels nice on his skin. But the sun doesn't seem to reach him; he shivers a little where he sits and hopes she doesn't notice.

"He was Japanese," Lelouch continues, and Kallen's eyes widen even more. "I lived here before the invasion. He was killed right in front of me." He gives her a small smile, because that's better than showing his true face to anyone. "I suppose... that's why. I'm not really the type to sit by and watch Brittanians beat up Elevens."

He doesn't really know why he says it, or why he no longer wants to look her in the eye. Maybe— and he mentally scoffs, because C.C. said some ridiculous thing similar to this a few days ago—maybe Lelouch is simply lonely. Hiding his face from the world, hiding his true feelings from his friends, and just plain hiding from Nunally.

But she lays her hand on his arm, and his muscles twitch but he doesn't pull away.

"I understand," she says.

He doesn't believe her until after a few more days, until after he learns about her mother. Then, yes, he believes her when she claims that she understands what it is to lose.

* * *

><p>Later, Zero knows that entrusting Kallen with the Guren Mk II is the best idea he's ever had. He can't contain his jubilation at capturing her at last, here in the mountains of Narita.<p>

"You put up a valiant fight, Cornelia," he announces over open channel. Her energy filler is depleted, her Knightmare unmoving. He can hear her growling and cursing. The fact remains that Narita was a complete and utter victory for the Black Knights. He orders Cornelia taken into custody, to which Ougi and Tamaki gladly comply. His older sister is stubborn, and they have to forcefully remove the hatch on her KMF before she is willing to come along.

"Q-1. You did excellently," Zero transmits to the Guren. There is a long silence in which he hears her draw her breath shakily, before she says,

"Thank you! Zero, sir!"

Cornelia glares at him, eyes full of fire, but with her arms tied, it doesn't matter much to Zero. Here in this cave, none of them can hear the ongoing battle outside as the Black Knights continue their campaign and, without their commander, Cornelia's forces fall. C.C. stands somewhere to the left, a gun aimed at Cornelia.

"Zero, you bastard—" Cornelia begins to growl, but Zero removes his helmet and she stops short, eyes widening in horror. "...you?"

Lelouch takes his sweet time, not feeling that he has to hurry, face a new mask as he pulls the cloth one down his face and adjusts his gloves. The smell of wet decay hits his nose.

"I see," Cornelia whispers. Her demeanor isn't half as aggressive now. "So you were Zero the entire time. Dalton was right. He said it was someone with a grudge against the Brittanian Imperial family. You—you did this for Nunally?"

"Correct," Lelouch confirms. "I will demolish the current world and build a new and better one in its place."

"You started this all for the sake of that madness?" Her face twists in some sort of agony he doesn't bother trying to sympathize with. Right now, he wants answers, not to connect with his darling big sister. "You even killed Clovis?" she screams.

"Yes," he confirms again, very calmly. "It was necessary. He'd seen my face, but that was before I could capture him. I couldn't let him go free and run home to you and father, saying that Nunally and I were alive."

It's a disastrously weak excuse, and he knows it. He could have just used his Geass to silence Clovis. In fact, he could have done a lot of things. He could have shot Clovis in the heart, not the head, and then at least the family could have looked at his face one last time. But Lelouch supposes he was angry- is still angry -a poisonous, gut churning, hideous rage that lashed out with cruelty. Because Clovis had a family and people that loved him and the best doctors and artists around. If Lelouch had shot him in the chest, had left his face intact, had let the family look upon him once more... he would have been beautiful. Stunning. A gorgeous corpse. They would have injected him full of chemicals, kept him in a cold place, wrapped him in his finest clothes. Did his hair, colored him with makeup, lined his coffin with the most expensive material man knew. He would have smelt nice. They would have put flowers on his pillow to frame his face.

And while Clovis would be held on high, paraded and fawned over and cried for, Suzaku would be in a bag. A bag labeled '11' that didn't keep out the smell of his rot. And Lelouch leaned forward, crouched down beside the first friend he had ever had, the only friend that knew Lelouch's true self utterly, who had given his life protecting Lelouch, who had protected Lelouch and Nunally in the past—

He had opened the bag, and Suzaku had been rotting. Not much, not too much, the face was still recognizable... in a way. (It's hard to recognize the dead face of someone you knew while alive. Something changes, something leaves. It had been Suzaku's body, but it hadn't been Suzaku.) But it had been very, very hot and humid out, and the bodies had decayed very, very quickly. His face had been blue, his hair lank. There had been the smallest of stains on the side of his neck. Removed of his armor, his uniform shirt had looked a little strained.

Lelouch had been unable to claim the body. They wouldn't let him, since he was not family by blood or certificate. So Lelouch had had to leave him there.

And to think Lelouch could have spared Clovis' face...

"Don't speak to me of Clovis any further," Lelouch hisses. (All his fault—) Cornelia is wincing, and she doesn't quite look like the Goddess of the Battlefield right now, and Lelouch takes pleasure in this. "And I would not call it madness, sister, when compared to the current state of things. This current Brittanian world. You fight, and fight, and then what? The weak are cast aside. People like Nunally are cast aside. It's a world lacking in morality, in common human decency—"

"Hah!" she spits, her eyes a little wild. "To hear that from Zero—!"

"It seems that talking to you any further would be utterly pointless," he interrupts as she had. "Well then, my sister. Lelouch vi Brittania orders you to answer him!"

There is a small moment as the order takes place, and then her face goes slack and accepting. "Go on."

* * *

><p>Zero is in a bad, bad mood, especially considering they won the battle. He tries not to bring down the morale of the troops, and indeed, he is such a practiced liar that hardly anyone notices. It is only people like Ougi and Kallen that notice anything is wrong. When asked, C.C. curls a finger around her hair and looks off to the side and refuses to give a straightforward answer.<p>

Zero stays with them quite a few days after that, which is rather strange in and of itself, as their masked leader usually does short business and leaves afterwards—to only god knows where. But really, only a bad commander would leave at this point. The Black Knights secure the mountain as their own trophy of victory and help dig out bodies from the wreckage. Under Zero's direct order, the bodies are not to be desecrated. Anyone caught pillaging or damaging a corpse will be punished severely.

It is only a matter of time, Lelouch considers, before Brittania will retaliate. For now there is a truce so that bodies may be recovered, but Guilford, now temporary sub-viceroy under Euphemia, is still out there, circling like a mad hawk. He is waiting to charge in and save his princess from the evil dragon, surely.

Lelouch calls home and fabricates some lie about getting caught near the mountains and something about the roads being torn up by the landslide and the military restricting movement. Nunally sounds so worried for him that it hurts. He thinks of Euphy and orders also that Cornelia be treated with as much dignity as an oppressed people can muster towards their oppressor.

Todoh and the four holy swords show up at the new base for Black Knight operations. Ougi toasts them at a victory dinner for the senior staff. Outside, many others celebrate as well. Zero sits back, present but not eating, and there are several jokes made his way, all of which he ignores.

Nevertheless, it lifts his spirit a bit, despite the fact that he is no closer now than he ever was to finding the truth of his mother's murder.

* * *

><p>One week later, there is a visitor. Just as Lelouch is preparing himself to sneak back home to his little sister, Ougi knocks and delivers the message. Lelouch snatches up his mask and greets the representative of Kyoto.<p>

He is lead to a private room where she and her two bodyguards are. She sizes him up and down, smiling pleasantly, her lips glossy pink. She then dismisses her two bodyguards, with great protest on their part. When they are finally alone, she sits formally at the low table and begins to pour tea. Intrigued, Zero flares his cape and sits on the other side, legs crossed.

She leans over and puts the tea in front of him, and her eyes are green.

"Sumeragi Kaguya," he says, in her native order. She glances up, delighted. Her cheeky nature has not changed even now—serving Zero tea, honestly!

Zero stands, locks the doors, makes double sure that they are locked, and returns to his seat. She takes a sip of her tea.

"I've admired you for some time," she begins. "Ever since the Black Knights made their debut. It really was something. The Six Houses of Kyoto really want to show their support for you in this troublesome time, but travel is difficult. It was very hard to make it here. Still, I'm glad I got to meet you; you see, I personally requested to come meet you."

"You did?"

"Yes, you see, I want to take care of the Kyoto business, but I also want to ask for your hand in marriage." She takes another sip of tea, looking very serene and straightforward and Japanese. Also, her eyes are pretty, and they call up a nostalgic swell within him. Oh yes, he remembers, she once was engaged to her cousin—

"I see," he says, not without humor. "And why have you decided this?"

"Well, if you keep winning battles, you'll eventually need a wife, won't you? I mean, I know your identity's a big secret and all, but you're going to need someone as your public face, right?" she says with a wink.

Kaguya has a strange effect on Zero. He hasn't felt so lighthearted since forcing the confession out of Cornelia, but now he is starting to smile beneath his masks.

"Really? You think I'm going to win the battles of the future?"

"Of course!" she exclaims, perfectly confident without seeming at all foolish. "Especially if you have me. I am the Goddess of Victory, after all."

"Then I should be lucky to have you, Lady Kaguya."

"Good." A warm, gentle smile.

There's something very attractive about this Japanese concept that love comes after marriage, if at all. It reminds Lelouch of realizing you love someone after he's dead and just a ghost inside your head, and now you're staring into eyes like his and you want to—to reach out and feel that maybe—

"Won't you drink, my fiancee?" she jokes.

"Don't mind if I do," Zero says quietly as he removes his mask. Her face is priceless as he takes a heartening sip. Then she laughs, so loud it's pretty much unladylike, but Lelouch kind of laughs with her, so that's that.

* * *

><p>Lelouch again dreams of Suzaku. Suzaku, Suzaku, is never far from his mind, no farther than his mother is. But there's something a little different when he thinks of Suzaku, as opposed to when he thinks of his mother. Maybe it's just a bit more special, because Lelouch was born to love his mother. On the other hand, Lelouch chose to love Suzaku.<p>

Lelouch dreams of the day they became friends. He, Suzaku, and Nunally, all hiding in Suzaku's secret base. Nunally pressed up into Suzaku, who smiles like crazy and sings songs and doesn't mind reaching over her to grab a snack from an even more secret compartment. The two look cozy. Like brother and sister. Lelouch is fine with that, because Suzaku saved her.

Lelouch dreams of the rain making the earth run into mud. The water seeps into the plants and soon the smell of rot ruins his little fantasy. Ten year old Suzaku becomes seventeen year old Suzaku, curled around Nunally like mother had curled around her. And Suzaku is rotting, the smell so great, filling up the entire base, somehow stretched to accommodate his adult body. He is entirely marbled and stained, face swollen, fit to burst. A piece of his flesh peels off and plops onto Nunally's cheek. She screams—Lelouch screams—

Lelouch is screaming a little as he wakes up. C.C.'s arms are around him as she kisses his forehead. Lelouch leans into C.C.'s breast and feels a pain spreading through him.

* * *

><p>(Suzaku, he thinks, chose to love Lelouch.)<p>

* * *

><p>"We have our contract," C.C. says in the gentlest voice he's ever gotten from her. "I won't leave you."<p>

"You don't ever die, C.C.?" he asks, face still buried in her neck and shoulders, the top of her chest.

"No, never," she says knowingly.

"No rotting?"

"I never manage to rot."

"It's just... really something," he chokes out as he finally leans back. Her arms slip away from his head to rest on his knees and she looks up at him with golden eyes free of judgment. "It's silly. I didn't even know him all that long. Maybe a couple of months and that's it. Hell, half of that time, we hated each other." He smiles briefly and bitterly. "But it was— it was cruel. To meet him so suddenly and to have to give him up just as suddenly."

"So that's what's bothering you?"

"...yes. He was. Well. When he looked at me, down there in Shinjuku, there was such warmth in his eyes. That's what drove me crazy. As in, how could he have looked like that? What was going through his head? What happened to him in the seven years we were apart? Because the Suzaku I remember wasn't quite like that, I don't remember a look like that on him at any time. The person I loved so much: I didn't know anything about him. Why he joined the army or how he had fared or what he felt about me or anything."

Lelouch reaches across her and gathers up the pocket watch sitting innocuously on the bedside table.

"What would he feel about what I'm doing? Suzaku was so brave, and there was a little bit of something angry there, or at least when I knew him there was. He had promised to help me become Emperor when we were kids. But what about now? Would Suzaku Kururugi stand by Zero's side?"

"What do you think, boy?"

"...I really just don't know. If I had never met Suzaku that day in Shinjuku, I would have said yes without a doubt. But the Suzaku who was a soldier with gentle eyes... I just can't say."


	3. Chapter 3

I want to take the time to thank everyone who has been reading this! It's actually been a couple of months since I first started writing Decayed (I think it was in early March I started?). I am still pretty new to solo-writing, having only ever been a roleplayer before. This was a very ambitious project for me, and I'm not sure even now how well I executed my theme. I will say that I have absolutely no betas for my work, and people seem reluctant to criticize me for whatever reason. So 1) thanks sooooo much for the love and support and 2) PLEASE let me know if anything, at any point, rings as over-the-top, OOC, or untrue. It's a little late to change Decayed, as the majority of the rough draft has already been written, but it would immensely help my future projects.

I read all of your reviews many times because they make my heart bubbly. But I have to say a special thanks to WDCain for the extremely flattering compliments. And addressing tyranidhero and, by extension, all readers: The pairings for Decayed are extremely mild. The original draft has quite a lot of Lelouch/Suzaku undertones which I may move away from for the FFnet version. This goes the same for Lelouch/Euphemia nods in the future (maybe). Also there is the ever-mild Kaguya/Lelouch, CC/Lelouch, and Kallen/Lelouch, but really, no more inclinations that I perceive to be in canon. In this fic, nothing concrete will happen between any of these pairings, so I guess they could hardly be considered pairings at all.

Please continue to enjoy the fic, everyone. This chapter: many scenes are copied directly from canon to tie in. Please don't compliment me on those, lol! XD I literally listened over and over to the episodes and wrote down the dialogue, so that Decayed would be recognizably tied to canon progression.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 3**

"You are to stall them as long as possible. Contact me as soon as the situation seems to take a downturn. Use your hostage to your best advantage."

Ougi salutes, but he looks grim. "Yes, sir, I'll hold things down until you return. Count on it."

Zero nods, "Thank you, Ougi," and slides into the car beside Kaguya.

Kallen approaches the open door. "Zero, sir, and Lady Kaguya, I and the rest of the Zero squad will escort you both to safety."

Zero nods here, too, and the door is shut. The car sets off, and Lelouch removes the mask, hidden behind one-way windows. Kaguya folds her hands in her lap. They don't speak for quite some time, Lelouch still going over the idea that he has actually agreed to marry this girl - the girl who had once been promised to the dead friend he thinks about so often.

"Zero," Kaguya starts, then pauses and seems to consider. "Or should I call you Lelouch in private? Do you still go by that name?"

"Yes," he replies. "My name is Lelouch Lamperouge, now. Lelouch vi Brittania was listed as dead during the invasion."

Kaguya smiles as bright as the sun and moves her mouth as if tasting her next words. "Kaguya Lamperouge. It sounds funny. Lamperouge Kaguya. Kaguya vi Brittania. Vi Brittania Kaguya sounds the most strange!"

"Lelouch Sumeragi. Sumeragi Lelouch," he jokes.

"Kaguya Zero! Zero Kaguya!" she jokes back. And again, they are laughing together.

"Allow us to take Nunally," Kaguya says, finally serious, sometime after the car was judged to be in the clear and, for respect for his privacy, the Zero Squad withdrew from Zero's side. Lelouch looks at her, startled and far from expecting that, of all things, to be said. He narrows his eyes suspiciously, but Kaguya does not falter. "The Ashfords... are Brittanians with no honor. As you said, they'll do anything to grasp at power. If Cornelia escaped and asked them for Nunally, they would hand her over without a second thought and ask to be rewarded."

Lelouch sighs and looks away. He knows this to be true. Milly would never, but it's out of her control. Kaguya continues, sensing he is beginning to waver.

"I understand you can't have her at Narita, with you. The situation there is too dangerous. But you can't leave her alone, either, when any power could find her and swoop her up when Zero is out at battle. Let me take care of Nunally, my fiancee," she implores, laying a smooth, manicured hand on the back of his gloved fist. "I'm the headmistress of Kyoto. You know I have the power to keep her safe."

Lelouch turns to stare out the window. "I will think on it," he says noncommittally. His pride won't allow him to thank her, but apparently she understands.

Kaguya will be a great wife. She nods and knows not to tease him. Pulls back, folds her hands, and lets it be, without pushing.

* * *

><p>Zero is let out of the car in the ghettos, close to the railway that divides it from the Brittanian settlement. He promises to be in contact with Kaguya and watches her car drive off. Then Zero melts into the shadows, changes in the dark, and steps out as Lelouch, briefcase slung over his shoulder.<p>

He takes the rail as close as he can get to Ashford and walks the rest of the way. It seems that the school is in the middle of class, so it's no problem for him to slink back home, unnoticed. Even Nunally is in class right now, so all he hears is the vacuum from the living room and the faint chatter of the TV turned up over the sound. Lelouch ducks into his room and deposits his case before greeting Sayoko.

Lelouch is very surprised, but not unpleasantly, when she envelops him into a hug. Then she holds him back and looks him over thoroughly.

"You're using a different notch on your belt," she states, to which Lelouch blushes. Is it some secret power that women have, to notice mundane things like that just to embarrass men? But he is not ungrateful. She sits him down at the table and has a very heavy Brittanian meal fixed for him in record time. She must be a genius of perception, because there is nothing on the plate that would possibly set Lelouch's stomach off.

He props his feet up on the coffee table in the living room and enjoys this strange day off. The windows are open, a wonderful wind whipping through. The house smells so clean. Lemon all around. Flowers scents drifting in. Lelouch feels his mind wiped blank.

In a burst of strength, he lifts Nunally bodily from her chair and swings her around, both of them laughing, but he has to put her down quickly. She grabs his face and kisses him on the lips. It's hard to kiss her back, because his lips are pulling back into a smile instead of puckering.

He carries her over and sits her on the couch beside him. She leans into him, snuggles, and gets comfortable with his arm around her shoulders. Sayoko pauses in the doorway and gets swept up by the drama on the television.

Halfway through the movie, Lelouch has to turn his head away from Sayoko. He rests his chin atop Nunally's soft hair and wills the water out of his eyes.

Suzaku should be here. And so should his mother. Kaguya, too. Kallen wouldn't hurt. Milly, if only she wasn't an Ashford. Nina, Shirley, Rivalz. But mostly, Suzaku. This situation reminds him mostly of being with Suzaku. Of fleeting happiness to never again be grasped.

Lelouch knows—yes, he is aware and accepting—that he has lost any chance for happiness. He will live this life in secrets, and he will not share it, will have no comrade and no equal. He'll follow this path until his death.

* * *

><p>A long time ago, Nunally, Suzaku, and Lelouch talked about something. They wondered what happiness would look like if it could be given a physical form. If he isn't mistaken, Lelouch believes that it was Suzaku who said that the shape of happiness might resemble glass.<p>

His reasoning made sense. He said, "Even if you don't usually notice it, it's definitely still there, you merely have to change your point of view slightly. Then that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light."

Lelouch doubts that anything else could argue its existence more eloquently.

("Do you wish for anything, big brother?")

That very night, Lelouch is informed by Rivalz that Shirley's father died at Narita, and Lelouch missed the funeral. It was difficult to get the body back home with all the Black Knights running about. Shirley is staying home for a while to get over it.

Lelouch sleeps alone in his bed that night, or doesn't sleep, thinking about Narita. He keeps going over the sudden realization of how many people he's killed—by hand, or by word. All of them left behind a family; all had lovers and friends.

All of them, corpses rotting in the sun.

( Yes, that is the reason why people discriminate against one another! / So is that the reason why you killed my brother? / Are you really going through with this? / That's easy enough to say, isn't it! / You can't! You and I may have different brothers, but we're still blood! / And to have this utopia, you'd...? )

( I wish the world was a gentler place. / I swear—I swear, Suzaku, so help me. I will one day obliterate Brittania! / You appear to have a reason for living. / I don't need a reason to do what I want to do, or save who I want to save! / And I've come back to change everything. / You know I have the power. )

* * *

><p>"Kaguya. It's me. Zero."<p>

A pause.

"What we discussed on the way from Narita. I agree to it. Please prepare yourself to receive her."

* * *

><p>"Nunally?" Lelouch calls as he enters her dark room. She is sitting up, not quite ready for sleep, and folding paper cranes. She smiles up at him, a smile he can barely see in the light coming from the hallway.<p>

"What is it, brother? Is something wrong?" Her head tracks him as he comes around to sit on the edge of her bed, beside her.

"Nunally, I have to tell you something. About Suzaku. And... about me."

* * *

><p>The truck pulls up to the side of the designated road in the ghettos and sits there, engine running smoothly. It is two thirty in the morning, on the dot, approximately 30 hours after Lady Sumeragi received a call from Zero. The Lady of Kyoto is yawning, not used to staying up so late. As she sits in the backseat, her socked feet are propped on the back of the seat in front of her, and she plays with her hair which had previously been braided for sleep. Those in the truck wait for nearly twenty minutes before the target shows up.<p>

Or, at least, the first. A young boy, older than Lady Kaguya, black-haired and fully dressed and Brittanian. "Is that him, Lady Kaguya?" asks the suited man next to the driver.

Kaguya leans forward and rubs the sleep out of her eyes. "Yes." A smile blossoms on her face. "There he is." She climbs over the passenger, not much regarding his personal space, so that she may roll down the window and lean out. The Brittanian boy approaches the truck and looks up at her.

"Where's your sister?" Kaguya asks.

"She's here. I just want to confirm that it's safe here."

Kaguya nods and issues some orders. Soon all the doors are open and all the suited men out of the truck. With one eye on the men, the boy fully inspects every inch of the empty delivery truck, including the glove compartment. He seems to find it satisfactory and crawls back out.

"Alright, then. I'll be right back," he says. Kaguya nods again, as she is a very patient girl. The men exchange glances, but their loyalty to Kyoto and most of all Kaguya is concrete. Their obedience is cemented when the boy looks them in the eyes and says, "You will protect my sister at all costs?"

And together they answer "Yes".

Ten more minutes pass between the time the boy disappears into the night and reappears, except now he is laden with suitcases and backpacks. A Japanese woman, dressed in a black skirt and blue sweater, rolls a wheelchair, in which a Brittanian girl of Kaguya's age rests.

"We're ready," Lelouch tells Kaguya.

Kaguya points curiously to the Japanese woman. Lelouch shrugs and explains, "She's our housekeeper. I thought she was asleep, but she's sneakier than I thought. Anyway, she caught us leaving, and she says she'd rather go with us. And... I believe her."

The suited men assist the three newcomers with loading their bags into the back of the truck. Then Sayoko lifts Nunally from her chair, and the men all work together to load that into the back as well. Lelouch and Sayoko work together to sit Nunally into the truck beside Kaguya. Lelouch squeezes past Nunally and sits on her other side. Sayoko climbs into the back with two of the four men.

"Everyone settled?" the front passenger calls. There is a general consensus. Then the truck takes off into the night.

"Nunally," Kaguya intones softly. "Do you remember me?"

Nunally doesn't move her head from its downcast position. "Yes. Hello."

An awkward silence fills the cabin of the truck. Kaguya raises her eyebrows at Lelouch, but he as well is looking away. Kaguya looks everywhere for answers, even to the maid in the back, but she, too, is looking between the two siblings with a wrinkled brow.

"Well then," Kaguya says lightly, trying to stimulate conversation—anything to get rid of the oppressive weight in the air. "Did Lelouch tell you about us?"

Nunally hesitates, then finally lifts her head. She says diplomatically, "There are many things my brother has been telling me lately, Kaguya-chan, and there's only so much time in the day. I'm afraid we haven't gotten to everything, yet."

"I see," Kaguya says quietly and leans back in her seat. Lelouch shifts uncomfortably. "Did you take care of things on your end?"

"You don't even have to ask," Lelouch pipes up at last.

After that, there is not much else to be said. They go on in silence, and eventually ascend into the darkness of Fuji.

* * *

><p>"This will be your new home, Nunally. Don't worry, we'll take good care of you. You'll be safe here." Kaguya reaches down and takes the younger girls hand. Nunally squeezes back in gratitude.<p>

The room within Kyoto's Mt. Fuji base is nothing very special. It is very Japanese in its sparseness and somewhat cold, though the floor is smooth concrete, suitable for the wheelchair. The room is a lot less claustrophobic than the old Kururugi shed, but infinitely more foreign. Not their home. Lelouch is tempted to lie again, talk about white walls and bright sunlight, but Lelouch can't possibly bring himself to do it. And besides—Nunally would see straight through him, and she had only just stopped sobbing over Suzaku.

"Kaguya-chan, may I have some privacy to have a word alone with my brother?" Nunally asks evenly. Kaguya and her guards retreat, as does Sayoko after some hesitation. The heavy metal door echoes ominously behind them. Lelouch takes the pregnant moment in which Nunally does not speak and begins opening and sorting the various suitcases. She seems to be gathering up her strength, and Lelouch winces in anticipation when she opens her mouth, but her voice is a gentle as always, with only the barest hint of firmness to it. It is enough to cow Lelouch, of all people.

"You will not endanger Ashford," she says.

How could she even think—Why bring this up—Of course not—How dare she—

His beautiful, angel sister. She still loves him.

"I promise you, Nunally. Ashford will be safe. I will assure it as Zero."

"And Cornelia," she pushes.

Lelouch's eyes bore into her own closed ones. She finally falters at his silence.

"I just—I don't want any more of our family to, to die. I... not after—" She stops abruptly.

His stomach starts to churn.

"That, sister, I won't promise."

* * *

><p>Lelouch meets also with Kitihara. The old man laughs, loud and ringing.<p>

"Do you embark upon the path of blood?"

"Yes. If that is to be my destiny."

He turns on his heel and leaves. As he passes Kaguya, who is standing in the hall, however, he stops and looks down at her. The furrow that has been so persistent in his brow since he spoke to Nunally lessens, if only slightly.

"I will... be in contact with you."

Her face is one that never seems to stop smiling. "I'd like a spring wedding," she says. Lelouch nods and continues on his way.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello to all the people that continue to read this admittedly hard-to-love fic. I thank you; I know that it is difficult for many people to read something so dark and gritty. However, after having recently finished the rough draft and received a few reviews from the original community, I feel very proud of this work as a whole. Not necessarily this chapter, as it is a short transition chapter, but we can't win everything, now can we? Anyway, I hope y'all stick with me to the end.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 4**

Zero returns to Narita again in the cloak of night, with a full escort of Knightmares. A small scuffle follows him between a covert unit under Brittanian command. The Guren appears and summarily dispatches them with the help of the radiant wave surger. Though the Black Knights attempt to capture at least one of the units, they all are either destroyed by the Guren or they self-destruct. No evidence of Britannia's operation is left behind.

Once he is safely within the confines of the Black Knights' base, Zero is greeted by a stream of reports that do not cease until the sun is halfway to its zenith. At length, with new commands issued, Zero returns to his quarters.

"Zero, have you finished your personal business?" Ougi asks as Zero is leaving the conference room. Zero can't tell if it's purely out of the man's friendly nature, if there is some sort of accusation there, or if he is merely trying as a sub-commander to ascertain the ability of his superior to lead. Ougi is capable of being very shrewd, so Zero suspects a mixture of all options.

"I have," Zero answers shortly. He hopes it puts Ougi at ease.

* * *

><p>C.C. is lounging on his bed, right where he left her, almost as if she hadn't moved once. Zero removes his mask with a heavy sigh and proceeds to strip. C.C. doesn't greet him except with her usual bland stare.<p>

"I brought you something," he says when he is dressed comfortably for bed. He feels a little off, like the walls are too thin, because he is unused to being so close to the Black Knights without his uniform on, at least.

"Oh?" she purrs. Lelouch hauls up one of his many suitcases and withdraws a giant orange plush-pillow. C.C. smiles in a way Lelouch definitely has never seen before and pounces, ripping it from his grasp and crushing it to her chest. "My Cheese-kun," she says, voice as flippant as ever despite her actions. "I won enough points and ordered it before we left for Narita."

"Quite. It had been delivered to the Ashford Clubhouse."

C.C. stares at him. "Lelouch."

"Yes?" he asks, slightly unsettled.

"They can't deliver here."

"...I would hope not, witch."

* * *

><p>He vomits once more before finally settling into bed. It is softer than he remembers, not that he slept on it much. The bed is a little narrower than the one at Ashford, and he has to press closer to C.C. She huffs and tosses around, elbowing him good quite a few times. Then the room is silent, but Lelouch can hear machinery working and men shouting far beyond, as if he is underwater and they above it. C.C.'s breathing, also, is a steady lull beside him. The darkness has an orange tint to it. Not even the blackest of curtains, after all, would hide the fact that it is the middle of the day.<p>

Lelouch closes his eyes but cannot sleep. Nunally's face, red and shining and wet and snotty, keeps swimming under his eyelids. All of that, for Suzaku.

"I thought you got over that," C.C. says suddenly. She speaks at just the right volume so that it doesn't sound too loud or grating.

"Got over what?" he mumbles back, irritated.

"The throwing up thing."

Lelouch turns on his side and says nothing.

* * *

><p>He manages five hours of sleep before a knock on his door wakes him up. He groans, not wanting to be dragged from his pleasant, body-warm cocoon. He realizes he is so warm because he turned at some point in his sleep and that so happened to press him against C.C.<p>

"Who is it?" he calls out, voice rough.

"Zero? I wanted to speak with you." It's Kallen. "...is this a bad time?"

"Is it urgent?" he asks, trying not to be grumpy with her. C.C.'s eyes open. She doesn't look like she was asleep. Kallen isn't answering at the door. Lelouch sighs. "Open the door. But stay there."

The door slides open slowly. No bright light immediately hits Lelouch's face, so he puts his confidence in the darkness and the angle to hide his identity. To be sure, he slips his face into C.C.'s neck. Kallen keep obediently to the doorway. He can't see her from the way he is positioned, but there's a sudden tenseness in the air that hadn't been there before, and he can't fathom why.

"Never mind," Kallen says brusquely. "I'll come back later—"

"Are you having second thoughts?" he asks knowingly. He had gathered such an idea earlier in the staff meeting. She is quiet for a moment before acquiescing.

"I thought the goal was justice. The only reason I fought until now is because I thought it was the right thing to do. So, I could live with the killing... but now..."

C.C. is breathing as if asleep next to him, unstirred. Lelouch, on the other hand, is stiff, and his stomach hurts. Kallen takes a single step into the room, and her voice takes on a more passionate tone.

"Tell me!" she says with a raised volume. "Is this all real? Is what we're all doing here really going to change the world for the better?"

"Yes it will," Lelouch says firmly. He raises his head the barest bit so that his voice can be heard better. C.C. raises her Cheese-kun and rests it on her chest, aiding in blocking the view of Lelouch's face. "Or rather," Lelouch continues, "it must change the world."

"But—"

"Will there be sacrifices? Not only soldiers, but the innocent as well." Lelouch thinks of Suzaku and doesn't know which one to categorize him under. "And yet, because of all these things, we have no choice but to continue on. No matter the cost. Even if people see us as cowards." Shirley, Milly, Nina, Rivalz. Nunally. "We have to prevail! If that means more blood will be shed, so be it. We've spilt so much to get here; we can't let it be in vain."

Lelouch lays his head back down. Kallen hasn't moved an inch, enraptured by his words.

"But I won't force you, Kallen," he says gently. "If you want to turn back, now's the time."

She doesn't say a word, just turns around and leaves.

* * *

><p>When he wakes for good, the sun is starting to set, and the wave of reports and requests commences once again. Zero must speak with the Katase and negotiate the JLF's new role as they integrate into the Black Knights; Zero must meet with Ougi and the rest of the senior staff to discuss how long the tension between Brittania and the Black Knights can last because it seems already to be stretched to its limits; Zero must avoid Tamaki asking for a better job; Zero must meet with this or that head of department to give approval to equipment use or food supply lines or something of the sort; Zero must check upon the captive, the most useful piece he has right now—but how much more useful, he doesn't know.<p>

Useful to whom? To Guilford, certainly, to Euphemia, even more so. But if Schneizel were to step in—ah, Schneizel. Uniquely utilitarian amongst their siblings; searching for happiness, but if that happiness has to come at the expense of one man for the sake of two men, then so be it, and it is just. And if the Emperor himself decided to step in—no, not likely.

Nevertheless, the game remains to not push too hard, nor to give in too easily. Such is hostage negotiations in its most tedious moments.

But giving in a little isn't hard. Pictures and short videos of Cornelia are occasionally sent to the other side or broadcasted on the news. There is a certain contact, Brittanian, the same that offered the information of Narita, and he gladly hands over instructions on how to hack his news' network. For the sake of the image of the Black Knights, Cornelia is always shown in the videos as unbound, sometimes as eating at a table, and dressed in her own clothes. The reality, however, is not much different. Zero orders that she be kept in a room, unarmed and heavily guarded, but not handcuffed or tied. She is fed as well as any soldier. Attempts were made to offer her a change of clothes, but Cornelia refused to wear the uniform of the Black Knights, and they had nothing else. Thusly, Cornelia wears her own red military uniform for three days straight at a time before she is forced to wear a man's t-shirt and one of Lelouch's own trousers. Her clothes are washed, returned to her, and then she wears her uniform for another three days.

Eventually the tension and silence and halfhearted pushes and pulls can no longer last, and Zero must himself address the angry, fearful Brittanians that wish for the return of their princess. Zero is aware that the entirety of Area 11 and even the homeland is trained upon the situation.

Zero is a man who plans for many things, always calculating and analyzing the motivations and resulting actions of the key players around him. He's always one step ahead of everyone; this, the reason he was leader of such a rapidly progressing army at the age of seventeen, poised to destabilize the government of a country.

And yet...

* * *

><p>And yet.<p>

He did not, could not, predict Euphemia, and that is why now he is staring her down in a building, abandoned but relatively untouched by the landslide at the foot of the mountains. She is very lovely even with her useless, mangled arm harnessed to her waist. Guilford is also present, as is Dalton, a few of their soldiers, and—Zero is very surprised to see—a dark-skinned woman with long, steel-grey hair that the recognizes from Shinjuku. She stands one pace behind and one to the right of Euphemia. A knight, he realizes.

It is lovely how utterly opposite the Brittanians appear from the Black Knights. There: the knight, an eternal watchdog, stands behind the princess. Here, Kallen, Zero's personal guard, stands in front of him, ready to leap into action. Behind Zero stand Ougi, General Katase, Tohdoh, and the four holy swords.

Zero notices immediately that Euphemia seems displeased by her entourage, however. She focuses utterly on Zero, and her surprises, it seems, are not entirely used up.

"Zero. I wish to speak with you. Alone."

"Princess Euphemia!" Guilford hisses in utter shock. Euphemia's Knight also makes an involuntary move, as if to forcibly yank away Euphemia's intangible decision from her, but goes stock still only a second later.

Kallen, in front of Zero, tenses, but does not show the anger he has come to expect from her. In fact, she glances at Zero with something he has trouble identifying. All he can guess is that some sort of uneasiness is coursing through her, some indecision, and suddenly Zero does not feel at all secure with her as his bodyguard. Euphemia, on the other hand, is remarkably calm and firm. She reminds him of Nunally, because after all, they are royalty, bred and taught into such noble dispositions. But Euphemia also reminds him of Suzaku, the one that said, 'I won't shoot a civilian.'

Zero doesn't exactly trust where this is going, but he can't just stand around and say nothing, so he says, "Interesting, Euphemia. And why would you put yourself in danger this way?"

She is far, far too confident as she says, "It's a matter of family, after all."

Checkmate. Euphy wins.


	5. Chapter 5

Again, thanks to all my readers. I appreciate the reviews very much and I read them all.

My real life situation has become a bit dodgy. Here's hoping I will have a stable home long enough to finish uploading Decayed at this current rate to ffnet. If you do not see this story updated for over a month, you can find the rest at my livejournal, the address of which can be found on my profile. Warning: the LJ version is uneditted entirely, and also will be significantly more shonen-ai than the ffnet version. However, some of my work is only published on LJ. Do visit if you're interested. Anonymous comments allowed as well.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 5**

Everyone is startled and confused, forgetting temporarily how to act like enemies with such a sudden show of trust between their respective sides' leaders. Still, Zero submits himself to being patted down by the Knight, and Euphemia is patted down roughly by Kallen. Before each party leaves, Euphemia's Knight presses a radio into her hands. Zero has to assure Kallen that such a precaution will be quite unnecessary on his end.

It is some time before they are finally left alone, but when they are, the air is sickly between them. The room is dark, the power of Narita having been damaged in the landslide. The smell of wet dirt permeates the entirety of the city, indoors and out, soaking into plant life and wood. It reeks like rot.

Euphemia is battling something; Zero can see it in her eyes. Sadness, hope, fear, and strength. Zero wonders when Euphemia became so brave.

"Lelouch."

Zero gasps, the sound distorted oddly by his voice scrambler.

"Lelouch, it's you, isn't it?" she asks softly. "I haven't told anyone about you, I swear. Let me at least see your face."

Half of a minute must go by, but it seems like longer, Zero caught in a purgatory of indecision and Euphemia gazing at him imploringly. At length, Zero brings a hand to his mask, removes the helmet, and becomes Lelouch before her. She smiles at him, a light shiver running through her body, and tears well up.

"Lelouch..."

Strangely enough, it sounds like she cherishes the name.

* * *

><p>After that, Lelouch is a perturbed by how easy it is to sit down with his little sister and discuss things, simply and without malice. He keeps his mask close by and seriously debates the merits of geassing Euphy into submission. But then, Euphy isn't quite like Cornelia—she's younger, and not a soldier. As innocent as a Brittanian can manage.<p>

Euphy asks after Nunally. Lelouch gives a vague answer about her being safe and tucked away.

"Tell me, Euphy. Why that woman as your Knight?" Lelouch finds himself asking, curiosity overriding the tenseness of the situation.

"I was being pressured to get a Knight, because of, well..."

"Because of the unrest caused by the Black Knights?" he interjects astutely.

"Yes," she concedes. "Her name is Viletta Nu. The ceremony has been put on hold. She was quite valiant at the battle of Narita."

Euphemia speaks without pride or interest, and changes the subject with neither hurry nor any lingering.

"Lelouch, given the situation, I'm forced to ask you. What is it that you desire?" She looks up at him with blue eyes so like the rest of his family that it makes him sick.

He feels his face twist into something cruel. "The destruction of Brittania," he says, and somehow it sounds bolder by saying it to a princess as opposed to a group of ragtag terrorists or one little boy from another little boy.

"The hatred you must feel for us," Euphy says, again close to tears.

"Brittania has destroyed, killed, or threatened everything I have loved and held most dear," he offers in cold explanation. (Mother, Nunally's exhuberance, his childhood, his happy home, the new home he had found in Japan, Suzaku... Even Ashford is not safe while Brittania reigns. It seems as if life is never finished dealing Lelouch blows, a never ending cycle of pain and fear with no hope for solace.)

"Euphy. I doubt you have any information that would be new for me, but... Do you have any knowledge of the situation in which my mother was murdered?"

She shakes her head, and Lelouch sees a hint of fear in her eyes. "I'm sorry. It seems as if my sister, Cornelia, has investigated it extensively, though." She takes a breath and plunges back into dangerous and more dangerous territory. "Isn't that why you captured her?"

Lelouch stands and looks down at her, attempting to keep the emotion from his countenance. "As opposed to killing her, yes."

Euphy's eyes widen and her small pink mouth falls open. A trembling begins inside of her as she says breathlessly, "Please... don't kill her."

Lelouch smiles again, bitterly. "Funny. Nunally begged the same."

"Are you—are you planning to kill me as well, Lelouch?"

Lelouch stares her down, not staying a word. He can feel his Geass eye burning. She springs to her feet and backs away quickly, her hand clutching the radio, one finger on the switch. Poor, sweet Euphy. Understanding is setting in.

"You've changed," she whispers in fright. "You're not the same, you're not the brother I knew—"

What must his face be telling her, Lelouch wonders.

Right when she seems about to break enough to call for help on the radio, Lelouch sighs and sits back down, as non-threatening as can be. "I'm not going to shoot you, Euhpy."

She is crying in earnest now, biting off her lip gloss.

"You're not a commander like Cornelia," he continues. He looks at the ground, not her, and convinces both her and his own self. "You don't have the heart to do anything like Clovis did. I didn't kill you during the hotel jacking, and I have no intention of killing you now. Though..." He steeples his fingers together and rests his chin on top. "I should capture you, too, if only to shove a big middle finger in the face of Guilford and the rest."

Euphy blushes at his crudeness—the crudeness he has learned in gambling dens and highschool locker rooms and only partially adopted—and then manages a tiny, nervous giggle at the easy, lukewarm smile he sends her way.

"You scared me," she admits.

"I know," he says. "I'm sorry."

"What will it take to get my sister back?" she asks.

Lelouch fights down a rising bile as the smell of rot begins to overwhelm him. "Nothing."

"Nothing? What do you mean?"

"As in, I won't be returning her."

"So you'll—!"

"So I'm going to keep her, and if only because both of my favorite little sisters asked, I'm going to keep her alive. Brittania won't be getting her top commander back, but neither will they be getting her body back." It pains Lelouch to say this, almost physically so: he wants to get it done with, eliminate the enemy commander, shoot her in the face like Clovis, pay her back for Saitama. He wants to throw her body into a ditch and leave it there in the sun. In the forest this time, to let her grow fungus.

But, if nothing else, Nunally would be even more displeased with him than she already is. And if Lelouch doesn't have Nunally, what in this world does he have?

"Of course," he reminds her, "you have my name. You might be able to destroy me with that. Maybe. And I have your sister, who I am not entirely opposed to killing. We're at a standstill, Euphy."

"Lelouch, please. I can't see a resolution to this... There must be a resolution!" Euphy pleads with him.

"Certainly there is a resolution, Euphy," he says, and though he smiles it is no joke when he says, "This all will stop when somebody wins."

* * *

><p>The negotiations are straightforward, if only because Lelouch was straightforward, and they aren't really negotiations at all. It was merely Lelouch being honest for once, and Euphemia despairing for it.<p>

Before they return to their respective entourages, Lelouch gives her one last option, and he means it mostly as a joke (but not entirely):

"You could always join the Black Knights, if you didn't want to fight me anymore."

And the look on her face is a sort of blankness, almost as if she didn't hear the statement, except she is staring straight into Lelouch's eyes, somewhere into middle-ground where imagination lies. Her eyes don't change as Zero dons his mask and holds open the door for the princess.

"Very well then," she says, suddenly with a smile. "I never really wanted to fight you in the first place."

Zero's heart leaps, then squeezes itself, then pounds furiously. A tightness is throbbing behind his burning Geass. He knows something is wrong, but he can't quite put his finger on it.

"I will come with you. Please accept me."

"...yes," Zero says, because he doesn't know what else to say. What he's hearing is a little outlandish, and it's taking his brain a moment to process it. And besides that, now is not the time to speak of it, as Euphemia's Knight, Viletta Nu, rushes forward. Now is the time to take action.

Euphemia beats him to it. She holds up her one good hand, and the Brittanians stop like dogs before their master. The Black Knights and the JLF, however, continue forward. Ougi looks questioningly between them.

"Guilford, Knight of my sister. Dalton, my sister's top soldier. And Lady Viletta, my Knight. Please excuse me. I am no longer on your side. Henceforth, with Zero's agreement, I am a member of the Black Knights."

Zero can't help but laugh a little, high and cold, because the entire building seems to have frozen over in shock. Viletta appears to be going into shock, and Guilford and Dalton are not much better. Even the Black Knights' mouths are hanging open, all staring in wide-eyed incomprehension or disbelief.

"This is true!" Zero announces, stepping up to stand beside Euphemia. "Euphemia has decided it. Then we will be on our way, dear Brittanians. Thank you."

Zero turns on his high heel and begins to march back to his transport. Euphy curtsies awkwardly to the Brittanians, holding her skirt with one hand, and then follows after Zero closely. Zero and Euphemia get all the way outside, into the bright sunlight where a row of Knightmares are facing each other off, before all hell breaks loose behind them. People are calling their names, orders are being screamed at the top of the screamer's lungs, and gunshots are being fired.

"Zero, you bastard, what did you do to Princess Euphemia?"

"Back off! She said it herself!"

"Do you hear me, go after them!"

"Zero!"

"Don't you dare let that madman take away another of our princesses!"

"Kallen, get to Zero, protect Zero!"

At once, Knightmares on both sides are being raised and arming. Kallen and Chiba grab Zero and Euphemia, respectively, and duck their heads down as bullets fly. The two are shoved into the transport and Chiba slides in with them, gun drawn, tense and ready to pounce as she glares out the window. Zero has a confused view of the chaos—Kallen jumping into the Guren; Viletta running screaming angry towards her own Knightmare; Tohdoh and Guilford locked in a terrifyingly close firefight—before two Burais wheel in front of Zero's transport and another covers them as they make their retreat back to base. Just before the transport turns a corner, the fireball resulting from a well-placed radiant wave surge lights up the back window.

Chiba huffs, trying to calm her breathing, and throws a nasty, stunned, almost offended glare towards Euphemia and Zero.

Euphemia, shaking where she sits, can only whisper, "I'm sorry."

Zero leaps to the radio in the transport's console and phones in immediate backup. Ougi's voice fuzzes into the communications as his burai pulls up beside the transport.

"Zero, are you alright?"

"Yes, Ougi, switch now with Chiba!"

"Thank you," Chiba says, the least hostile she has managed towards Zero since she met him. Away from the battle, Chiba hops out of the transport and Ougi hops from the Knightmare and they switch places. Chiba wheels away towards the battle, weapons activated.

Ougi stares incredulously at Euphemia, forgetting temporarily how to speak. It is strange indeed to see the two so close together; the groomed finery that is the royal princess Euphemia versus the rough-fingered former school teacher turned terrorist turned second in overall command of the army poised to retake a country, Ougi. But Ougi is nothing if not polite and gives Euphemia the tiniest of bows. She inclines her body as much as he does, rethinks, then bows a little bit deeper.

"Hello," Ougi stutters with a refined accent that he practiced for speaking in English.

"It's good to meet you," Euphemia replies with natural refinement. She pauses then adds, "Sir."

Ougi blinks at her slowly, thick eyebrows as high as they can travel up his forehead.

"Ougi, your mouth is open," Zero supplies helpfully. Ougi snaps it shut with a click.

"I apologize for all the trouble," Euphemia continues. "I didn't think it would come to blows."

"Oh, well, er," Ougi stumbles for a bit, then seems to remember his position and his voice strengthens tenfold. "We welcome you into the ranks. We will find a place for you, surely. But, if I may ask—excuse me, Zero, sir—what in the world did you two discuss? Why is a princess of Brittania willingly joining the Black Knights?"

Euphemia smiles sweetly, disarmingly at him. "It's really rather simple. I don't want to fight against Zero." Zero feels that tightness behind his eye throb again. It's distractingly painful.

"Also," Euphy continues, tilting her head down thoughtfully. "I want to be with my family. My dearest family, that is. That's understandable, isn't it?"

"So this is completely coming from you?" Ougi measures out his voice carefully.

"What do you mean?" innocent Euphemia asks.

Ougi shifts uncomfortably before trying again. "That is, you, Euphemia, have made this decision without taking the advice of your family."

Understanding what he means, Euphemia nods seriously. "Yes. I decided this when speaking with Zero. After this, I can no longer return to Brittania. But I don't care. This is what I've chosen."

She and Ougi stare at each other again very solemnly, and finally Ougi says, "Okay." And that is that, and Euphemia li Brittania becomes a Black Knight.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for reading, reviewing, and favoriting, and also for giving this story a chance. Thank you Candelabra, for pointing out my dreadful editing of the previous chapter, which I have hopefully now rectified, if only marginally. I am sure all of these chapters could use an editting ten times more thorough than my own, but hey, what can I do?

As always, please point our anything that seems blatantly ooc or which you believe could have been handled better or is simply far-fetched. I value your opinions, readers! We delve now and for a few chapters on into the shakiest bits of plot, I believe, where Suzaku's absence does not directly alter any scene, but rather begins a chain of events that are entirely based on my own supposition.

Please enjoy!

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 6**

The battle doesn't last very long. Zero doesn't even have to return to the battleground. The transport drops Zero, Ougi, and Euphemia at base, where everyone is ready, willing, and savage at their stations. Euphemia stands to the side, looking distressed, but the battle ends barely ten minutes later with the retreat of the Brittanians.

"I suppose they're going to discuss their next actions with another member of royalty," Euphy pipes up at some point. "Because they've been sworn not to lift a hand against me, of course."

"Of course," Zero agrees, but he isn't much paying attention to what he's saying. C.C. has entered the room and he can feel her super intense gaze upon him. Almost everyone else, though, is staring at Euphemia. Inoue's stare is positively acidic.

Ougi steps up, sensing the pooling venom and Euphemia's mounting nervousness, and says, "Inoue-san, will you please have her settled with a uniform and a bunk?"

An idea comes to Zero. "Have her roomed with Kallen." He feels a little uneasy ordering such after the conversation they had in addition to the uncomfortable, nearly suspicious air she'd had about her back at the meeting area. Still, Kallen is the Captain of the Zero Squad. He has to put his trust in her—put Euphemia's life in her hands. Otherwise, it is very probable that a Japanese, in an expression of rage, would kill his defenseless little sister in her sleep.

Inoue nods, her orders overcoming the immense dislike she feels for a factor of her personal oppression. She curtly orders Euphemia to follow her and the princess, unused to following orders at all, blushes hotly but follows.

* * *

><p>Lelouch takes a breather afterwards in his own quarters in order to remove the mask which, combined with the pain in his eye, had become restricting as never before. As soon as the free air hits his eye, though, he gasps at the sudden upsurge of pain and falls to his knees.<p>

C.C. enters in after him, mouth a thin line. She kneels next to him and tries gently to move his hand from where it is clutching and obscuring his face.

"Something is wrong," Lelouch hisses. C.C. doesn't immediately respond, but rather succeeds in revealing his eye. She pushes back his sweat-heavy hair and stares into his Geass.

"It's reached that stage," she says eventually.

"What?"

"Geass progresses this way from the time it initially is planted within a person. At first you have control of it, and it manifests in one eye. Then you become unable to control or hide it within that eye. Then it spreads into your other eye," she explains slowly. Unconsciously, one of her fingers strokes the side of his heated face.

"So," he begins to confirm, "I have no control over my Geass now? So anything I say to a person, face to face, is taken as an order?"

C.C. nods, simply and decisively.

"So," he continues, with a growing sickness in the pit of his stomach, "I used Geass... on Euphemia?"

"You tell me," she says, unsympathetic. "I wasn't there. Were you looking her in the eye?"

* * *

><p>Lelouch does not return to the operations center for quite some time. He is too busy pacing his room, thinking, agonizing over the fact that he more than likely used his Geass on Euphemia to abandon her home, her people, and her safety. But then his mind turns to the words she said to Ougi in the transport. ("I don't want to fight Zero."  "I want to be with my family.") Two separate reasons, and Lelouch can't possibly fathom whether either or neither came from her own heart.

When finally Zero does return to the flurry of commands and victory celebrations, it is to see that Kallen and some of the others have returned.

"Zero," Kallen says, and Zero is put at ease, if only marginally, by the return of her ever-underlying anger. "May I speak with you?"

"Yes," Zero says, unable to deny Kallen for some strange reason.

They find an emptied room in the Japanese-style inn portion that acts as the cover for the rest of the JLF's, now the Black Knight's, base. The lights are off and the room is cold so high up on the mountain. As he grew up a Brittanian, Zero finds no comfort in the minimalism of the room. He finds himself almost longing for the clutter of sofas and chairs and cushions and rugs that existed in his childhood home, the Aries Villa.

Maybe he longs for comfort because Kallen is aiming her gun at him.

"Who are you?" she whispers, because to be any louder in this room that has seen no guests, only soldiers, would be akin to sacrilege. Or, at least, that's the way it feels.

"I thought you didn't care about my identity on the basis that my ability was enough for you and the rest of the Black Knights, Kallen," he says after a short silence that rings in his ears. He immediately draws up several escape routes, each as unlikely as the last, because he has let himself do that which he was unaccustomed to and knew better of: to trust.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, too, Lelouch."

And that is the second time today that a woman has looked at Zero's mask and correctly guessed the name of the man who wears it.

"You've mistaken me, Kallen. That is not my name—"

"Don't bullshit me!"

Tears are gathering in her eyes, but she valiantly blinks them back. Then she takes a deep breath and lowers the gun a single inch—aims at his churning gut rather than his heart.

"One week ago, Zero left base at night for unstated reasons. The night he returns, before I speak with him privately, I get a call on my cellphone. It's Shirley."

Zero doesn't say a single word as Kallen takes several gulps of air.

"Shirley said that after her father's funeral, a car pulled up beside her. Inside were Princess Euphemia and her Knight. The Knight handed Shirley a photo of Lelouch Lamperouge and informed her that Lelouch might, in some way, be connected to the Black Knights.

"As it turns out, Lelouch had been on a trip when this occurred. A trip near Narita. He was held up there and couldn't return home. He returned home one week ago. The same time that Zero left Narita. Shirley wasn't at school when he was, but Rivalz called her and said Lelouch was back. Shirley came to school the day after next—only to find Lelouch wasn't in class, as he had been the day before. So, worried, the student council went as a group, all together, to visit Lelouch's home.

"He wasn't there. His room had been cleaned out. The student council called and checked, and Nunally, Lelouch's little sister, wasn't in middle school, either. Her room was also cleaned out. Their maid, Sayoko, was nowhere to be found."

Kallen pauses to breathe again, white-faced and furious, her hand shaking slightly on the grip of her gun.

"The very next day after the student council searched for Lelouch, Zero returns to Narita."

She only grows more furious while Zero stands there, unmoving and unresponsive.

"No more bullshit!" she yells. "I was suspicious the moment I met you! Somehow you managed to convince me otherwise—I don't know how—but if you think I'm an idiot, you're wrong! ...Damn you, say something! Or do I have to shoot you in the legs to get you to talk, you traitor!"

"Don't you dare," a cool, harsh voice interrupts. Both Kallen and Zero start at the sudden intrusion: C.C. has slipped in as silent as a cat. She doesn't hesitate one bit as she moves to stand between Kallen's gun and Zero's body. "I won't let you lay a finger on him."

Kallen is temporarily rendered speechless before her temper flares once again. "This has nothing to do with Zero's _mistress_!"

C.C. levels a nasty, bone-chilling glare at Kallen. "It's been a while since anyone dared to speak to me so rudely. Child, just know this: I will kill you without hesitation before I allow you to kill him. He and I have a contract together."

Kallen looks about to snap, about to shoot, when Zero finally gives in and removes the mask. C.C. glances back at him but doesn't turn her back to Kallen; it is needless, as Kallen is now crying, the gun pointed more towards the ground. Her legs look weak.

"You guessed right, Kallen. I am Zero. The man who leads the Black Knights, who challenges the Holy Brittanian Empire. The one who holds the future of Japan in his hand."

She stares at him like a little lost doe. It's becoming somewhat tiresome, he has to admit. Her voice quivers as she says, "You're using us? The Japanese people? You're using me?"

"I will lead Japan to freedom."

The flame leaps up within her again. "How so? By allying the Black Knights with that pretty little puppet, Euphemia! You—"

"We are not allying ourselves with Euphemia. Euphemia is allying herself with us."

"Lies!" she spits. "Euphemia knows who you are! She's looking for Lelouch, and she found him! You two are up to something!"

"Untrue," Lelouch says, doing his best to keep a calm, even tone. He can't see C.C.'s face. "She does know who I am, she did find me, but we aren't doing anything subversive. She has an honest desire to be with her family. She wants to be with Cornelia, that's all, she knows she won't get Cornelia back otherwise."

"She knows you," Kallen insists.

"She used my name to get me to talk to her. It was leverage to speak to me face to face."

"How can I believe anything you say!" she screams.

"Have faith in me, Kallen," he says lowly, soothingly.

"Why do you fight for Japan?"

C.C. looks back at him again, because Kallen is beginning to calm. Lelouch nods to C.C. and the woman steps out of the way. Lelouch keeps his head tilted forward, trying to cover the red of his eye, but isn't too afraid; he's used his Geass on Kallen before, anyway.

"I told you, didn't I? I had a friend who was killed in front of me."

"Because of that—" she starts, but he interrupts.

"Besides that, Kallen, it isn't so much that I fight for Japan as I fight against Brittania."

"Explain yourself."

He doesn't want to, but what more can he do? He takes a deep breath and says,

"Didn't you ever wonder? Why my little sister is in a wheelchair?"

And he ends up telling her the whole thing, the whole dreadful story of who he is and where he comes from and what he hates and why. Because she is his personal guard, and she deserves to know who she's guarding; because Euphemia is now her responsibility, and she deserves to know why; because she has a gun and Lelouch can't use Geass on her; because she is, despite what she says, incredibly invested in Zero and his ability to work miracles for her people; because she is close to Ougi and she can destroy Lelouch rather quickly; because Lelouch has put his life in her hands before and it turned out alright.

And also, he can practically hear C.C. think, because he is lonely. Perhaps he needs someone to understand, now that Milly isn't here (knew he was a prince) and Suzaku is dead (knew he hates Brittania) and Nunally is hidden (knew how to remind him of his ultimate goal). Funnily enough, though, as he leads Kallen to the low table where they sit formally and talk civilly, he doesn't feel like he is telling C.C. anything. She isn't reacting, at least, as if she knows already, and Lelouch has learned not to question her too much but especially not in front of another person.

Lelouch stops just short of telling Kallen about Geass, thinking it will undoubtedly sour the calm relationship he is rebuilding with her. Luckily she seems too full of information that she does not question Shinjuku or any other incident in which Geass played a key role, the suspicious little holes in his story.

In the end, she cries and tells him about her brother, and her mother, and her father and his horrible new wife. And then she pledges her life to Zero. Not to Lelouch, but to Zero. And that is enough for him.

* * *

><p>In the night, Lelouch can hardly step out of the bathroom, he vomits so much. He is absolutely miserable, and C.C. takes pity on him for once and rubs his back in slow circles. For a while, he is unable even to stand, he is shaking so hard and empty inside.<p>

In sleep, he is plagued once more by visions of Suzaku. It'd been a while because Lelouch's head was so full up of rebellion and crisis management. He doesn't know why, then, he is having dreams of Suzaku again, because his situation hasn't much changed. But there Suzaku is, dressed in the gray uniform of a lowly Brittanian soldier, leaning against the tree where cicada shells cling. His friend closes his eyes against the bright sunlight. Lelouch walks forward, because he is taller, to shield him. They are very, very close when Suzaku opens his (lovely) green eyes and looks up at Lelouch.

"I missed you," he says.

Somehow, Lelouch knows he is dreaming, and so says to Suzaku, "You can't have. For all you know, this is how you were born, here outside this patch of sunflowers, and for all you know, I never left."

Suzaku grins. "I don't think I'd mind that too much. To be born in a sunflower patch. And you always here."

Lelouch smiles back, pleased. Even though this is just a dream, it feels good to make Suzaku happy like this. His friend.

In the morning, he wakes crying. The tears have fallen strangely over his inclined face, so he tastes the salt on his lips and feels one fat drop clinging to the edge of his ear. He still feels warm and happy for all of one minute before realizing where he is. Then he rolls to the side of the bed and the vomit comes before he is able to make it to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Oddly enough, it is Euphemia who steps into his room, a tray of food curled under her good arm. Lelouch's initial reaction is to bring the blankets up to cover his face, but then he realizes that it's both childish and highly unnecessary.<p>

"Good morning!" she says, and her voice is cheery but her face is quite concerned. She looks strange in the Black Knights' uniform- the one with the knee-length skirt, like Inoue wears, not that Lelouch can or wants to imagine her in the short shorts ala Kallen. But her bright, bubble-gum hair and pale 'Brittanian rose' skin is a stark contrast against the black and grey uniform. Her arm is in a new sling, a white one from the medical ward.

"Euphy, why are you...?" he says roughly, throat burning from last night and this morning. She maneuvers the tray on her own lap as she moves to sit beside him.

"A woman named C.C. came into my room, the one I share with Miss, er, I don't know how to say her last name, I forget, ah, Kallen. Yes, well, C.C. informed Kallen and me that you had taken ill, so I came to see you. Actually, C.C. was going to bring this for you, but I said I would—don't worry! I didn't say it around any of the other Black Knights, that would be suspicious! Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were alright and see if you need help eating. Do you?"

She is already holding a fresh glass of water up, which he allows her to help him drink. It is awkward and embarrassing, with her straining her hand to tilt it right. The cold is soothing to his raw throat, though, and his limbs feel kind of weak, so he can't complain. He grunts in her direction, a yes or maybe a thank you, and she immediately puts the glass down and sets out to spoon some rice porridge into his reluctantly open mouth.

His little sisters are real angels. It is a travesty that they were born to such a violent, mad family. Lelouch lets Euphemia feed him for a while before taking over. She fusses for a bit before relenting and then pleases herself by watching him down a salty omelet and by chatting. He is silent through her blathering, but he can tell she does it because she is supremely uncomfortable. Her hair, even after one single day away from her royal stylists, is not the curling, perfect mass that it usually is. It is smoother, not really flat, the buns she wears behind her ears are gone, and the lot of it is stuffed into a loose, sloppy braid that can't really contain her many feet of locks. She doesn't look like she got a lot of sleep.

Lelouch takes another long draft of his water. "How is Kallen treating you?"

Euphemia looks down at her hand. "Last night? Positively hostile. I think she was angry at something, but I'm not sure what. But she... apologized to me this morning. She even helped me get dressed and she braided my hair."

"I'm very glad for that," Lelouch says honestly. He was worried that Kallen would rip her to shreds, especially after learning that she was Lelouch's sister, but he knows anyone else would be just as bad, if not worse.

Speaking of the devil, Kallen knocks and then steps moments later into Lelouch's quarters with his permission. She hesitates upon noticing Euphemia, but then sighs and comes closer to the bed. "Lelouch—Zero—er—" A blush lights up her face, but she scowls it away. "I brought you this."

She shoves a bottle of pills into his hands and takes many hasty steps backwards.

"It's for nausea," she explains.

Lelouch nods and hopes she understands that he is thanking her. He downs the pills along with the last of his water. C.C. enters at exactly that moment, and the room starts to get cramped for space. C.C. looks extremely amused, however, and holds up Lelouch's own cellphone.

"Your fiancée is on the line," C.C. says passively.

"Fiancée!" Euphemia and Kallen exclaim at once.

"She's very upset," C.C. says by way of confirmation.

"Dear god, how many people are you going to tell that Zero is sick!" Lelouch groans.

Kaguya's voice drifts from the speaker, "Is that him? Put him on! I want to talk to him!"

"Does Nunally know about this, Lelouch?" Euphy asks delicately.

"Who the hell would want to marry him?" Kallen asks incredulously.

Lelouch thinks, Hell is a cramped room that smells like vomit and is full of estrogen.


	7. Chapter 7

As always I thank my readers, whether you review or not. I write for you guys and no other reason. I hope you're enjoying this little project of mine.

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><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 7**

Lelouch is a little pissed that, when he feels better around noon, he actually has to change into Zero's outfit in his bathroom instead of his bedroom. It smells of vomit even worse in here, so he rummages in the cabinet under the sink and sprays the air freshener he finds there.

He comes out of the bathroom smelling like cheap lilac to find only Euphemia remains. She cradles her sling close to her body.

"C.C. told Ougi that you and I were in a meeting all morning to discuss the Britannian Royal Family."

"I see," Lelouch mutters, thinking this is adequate, and picks up his mask.

"Lelouch. May I see Cornelia now?"

Lelouch looks at her, sadly and seriously. She has the same expression on her own face. He nods, she nods, Lelouch dons his mask, and together they walk to where Cornelia is held.

* * *

><p>Needless to say, the reaction of the Second Princess is less than favorable. She yells and screams and shrieks and lunges at Zero more than once, at which point the guards have to catch her and throw her back. Euphemia earnestly sobs into one hand.<p>

One last attempt before Zero forces Euphy to leave: "Sister... do you still love me?"

Cornelia's face is like a demon's, twisted in rage and agony. "Of course I do, little Euphy."

Euphemia hugs her sister and pecks her on the lips. Cornelia returns the embrace fiercely, almost violently, and releases Euphemia in short order. Then the older sibling turns her back on the younger.

"You weren't expecting something else?" Zero questions, alone with Euphy in the hallway.

"No, I can't say I was," Euphy admits with a sigh.

Zero takes Euphy to the medical ward and orders the staff to tolerate her hindering presence but also teach her how to do menial tasks. Euphemia will just have to overcome her privileged upbringing and learn to scrub floors, one-handed at that. And anyway, he thinks Euphy is best suited to a place where people are helped, rather than where people are purposefully killed.

* * *

><p>Keeping with the long line of people who constantly wish to meet with Zero, a Britannian man is presented to him at around four o clock. The man is tall, as tall as Ougi or Zero in his heels. He is introduced as Diethard Reid and is held before Zero at gunpoint, but the man does not seem the least bit fazed. He only has eyes for Zero.<p>

"It's an honor that you would meet me like this, Zero."

"You are the one that has been bringing the Black Knights information on Britannia's movements?" Zero asks.

"Yes, that was me. I wish to serve you, Zero, and document you—I'm a media man, you see. I've heard about the wayward princess, and I think I can help the situation." The man is utterly confident, his voice loud and clear.

Another Britannian is fitted with a Black Knights uniform that day.

* * *

><p>Zero becomes aware quite quickly that Euphemia's turn created a stir not only amongst Britannians, but amongst the Black Knights as well. Diethard Reid's induction only amplifies the ripples. Before Zero can make an official announcement, however, Kallen seems to beat him to it. Standing outside the mess room, he can hear her shouting to minimal murmurs, practically silence.<p>

"—and have you forgotten that I'm half Britannian? You've never questioned my loyalties, have you, just because of my blood? And Zero isn't Japanese either, we all know that by now!"

"Yeah, but Kallen, it's different, she's a princess—" one meek soul tries to interject.

"You don't even know her!" Kallen says, passion and anger fueling her voice. "Zero hates Britannia enough to fight against it. What automatically makes Euphemia any different?"

It goes on like this for some time, and Lelouch smiles fondly under his mask. Zero eventually does take the reins and makes a more elegant speech about remembering goals, about accepting all races and ideologies for the sake of justice. But later, he catches Kallen by herself and lays a hand on her arm- similar to the hand she once laid on his –in a sign of thanks. Honestly. She looks up at him with eyes full of suspicion and reluctant hope, and that's the best he can expect at the moment.

* * *

><p>Lelouch dreams again of Suzaku. Again, the tree. Again, the smile.<p>

"Do you believe in heaven or hell, Lelouch?" Suzaku asks idly, picking the petals of a sunflower as if inquiring about the affections of his lover.

"No," Lelouch says confidently. "There is no such thing as heaven or hell or god. If there is a god, I am him."

Suzaku's head whips up and he stares at Lelouch before shaking his head and laughing incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"Yes," Lelouch says. He has no questions about this. "Things only happen because I will them. Things only exist because I will them."

"That's… very arrogant," Suzaku says tenderly.

"It's because I'm dreaming," Lelouch replies. "You exist here because I want you to. That's what I meant."

Suzaku tilts his head and smiles a little sadly. "I suppose. I mean, I was asking about heaven… so are you saying that this is your heaven?"

"Of course. I am god. This is heaven. I want you to exist and so you exist."

Suzaku thinks about that for a second. Then he laughs and grins and scratches his neck like he used to do when they were kids. "I suppose that's true, you know. Since I can't exist elsewhere."

"I'm glad you agree," Lelouch chuckles. He flops on his back and enjoys the sunlight flicking across his face in patches as it comes through the trees. Suzaku looks down at him fondly for a moment and then flops down beside him. After a while their breathing mutually slows and, again mutually, they sink into the warm earth. Lelouch begins to imagine that he can feel Suzaku's living heart thumping along with his own, a thick wet pump, and that feeling develops over time until he thinks that maybe his and Suzaku's hearts are the same. Suzaku's heart depends on his; that Lelouch is alive is the only reason Suzaku too is alive. If Lelouch's heart were to stop—

"Thank you for remembering me," Suzaku whispers.

Lelouch wakes at six in the morning with his heart flapping and fluttering like it's working for two. Lelouch drinks a lot of water, takes the pills for nausea, drinks more water. He doesn't throw up and feels marginally happier about the day ahead.

* * *

><p>Diethard is extremely efficient. He is all about appearances and production, which is really half of Zero's existence, and so things work out well between the two men. He has cameras and a stage and people running around with tasks to accomplish in next to no time. Euphemia's hair is being braided and rolled properly, into a more severe style her subjects wouldn't be used to. Her makeup is more subtly striking rather than soft feminine grace, but still, she is undeniably Princess Euphemia. A timid new recruit has the balls to walk up to Zero with a rag and some spray-bottle cleaner and request to shine Zero's mask for the camera. Zero is a little offended—like he would ever let his mask be anything but gleaming—but he is also a little amused at the hopeful look in guy's eye. It can't possibly hurt, so Zero bends from six foot two to the man's five foot five and lets him wipe the surface.<p>

Diethard asks for test shots, sound checks, all perfectly smooth and in control. Euphemia is practicing the speech she has written herself to her hair stylist, an older Japanese woman who is starting to smile. Her makeup artist asks her how old she is and she answers, "Sixteen, why?" but the makeup girl doesn't answer, merely blushes and gives her a tiny encouraging smile.

Together, Zero and Euphemia address the world using Diethard's omega line. Euphemia formally forfeits her claim to the throne. Zero establishes the United States of Japan, beginning with Narita. It is beautiful.

* * *

><p>Lelouch returns every night to Suzaku. Many times Lelouch lies down by Suzaku's side in the sunflower patch, and there are no corpses and there are no bugs and there is no dirt, just clean grass. The world in his dreams is so incredibly warm, just the right amount of heat, as if a blanket is draping over them. The two of them live somewhere between the worlds of brothers, lovers, and friends. In the intimacy that comes from keeping each other alive, they lean against each other and press together cheeks, rest hands in hands. Shoulders overlap and they are silent and content. But mostly they sit by each other's side and joke around, play hitting each other and pinching each other's sides. Sometimes they walk to a nearby pond, remove their shoes, and dip their feet in water, and other times they wrestle, and still other times Suzaku just slings an arm around his shoulders and laughs loudly. It's undignified but comfortable.<p>

Eventually he comes to regard it as coming home from a long day of work, just like he used to come home to Nunally after school. In the morning he takes his pills and he doesn't throw up, and his body stops feeling so weak the more water he drinks. When he wakes up, though, he wonders why Nunally isn't also in these dreams.

* * *

><p>Lelouch calls Nunally every single day. At first she was still angry and not very receptive, but they are siblings that love each other and Nunally finds it in her heart to forgive him.<p>

Nunally constantly worries about his actions as Zero; she says that he seems so busy all the time that she fears he might just collapse. Lelouch does his best to sooth away this fear even if he himself can't shake the very same feeling. Nunally says also that she is treated very well by Kaguya but that she misses school terribly. She often gets calls on her cellphone from members of the student council, and she feels bad for not answering them. Lelouch says that he wishes she would break her phone, but she refuses. One day she calls him from a different number, crying because one of her guards apologized and broke her phone in half.

Lelouch tells her about Euphemia and reassures her that Cornelia is still alive and kicking. Euphemia's knees are often red now, he says, because she has to scrub floors. Nunally is aghast and chastises Lelouch, but he explains quite plainly that she has no skills. After that, Nunally quiets down, because they both know that it's true.

He doesn't tell Nunally that she is bullied. As Zero, he does his best to stop it, but he can't show favoritism. In any case, Euphy is beginning to look a little ragged. She goes to bed when her superiors no longer have work for her, and she wakes at six o clock sharp. Her showers are brief, her shampoo is cheap, and her uniform can't be washed every single day. It's no different from the life of any soldier but worlds apart from what she's used to. On top of that she endures constant leering and jeering and oppressive dislike, many times hatred.

Lelouch positively drowns in guilt. This is his entire fault; he, who used Geass on Euphemia to force her into this life. She tries not to complain, which he admires greatly, and so he sends her gifts via Kallen or C.C. A pizza here, instead of usual rations, a flower there, picked from the mountainside. Kallen, who now has adopted the habit of treating Lelouch like she treats Tamaki when they are alone and he has no mask, scoffs at him.

"If I didn't know she was your sister, I'd swear you were courting her," Kallen says. Then she pauses, thinks about it, and crinkles her nose. "Well, that's not saying much. What with the suspicious way I remember you treating Nunally and the general history of royalty throughout the world. Seriously, do you have a siscon or something?"

Lelouch throws his water bottle at her.

* * *

><p>As Zero is passing by a particular building in the city one day, Euphemia emerges, her forehead sweating and her eyes squinting in the sudden glare of daylight. "Zero, sir, may I have a word with you?"<p>

Zero is with General Katase and Tohdoh, and so responds, "I am busy. If you want something of me, it will have to wait another day."

She wipes her brow, a flower that he sent her in hand, and he walks on.

He finds her the next day in her room with Kallen. He is in the process of removing his mask by the time he registers what is happening before him: Kallen, scissors in hand, is in the middle of cutting off Euphemia's ponytail.

"Euphemia!" he yells, accidentally dropping his mask and the fresh flowers he'd been hiding under his cloak. The mask clatters to the floor and his revealed face is horrified in a restrained way. Kallen freezes, but it is too late; half of the hair is severed, the clean cut edges looking like the fibers of thick rope.

Euphy looks into the mirror to see Lelouch staring at her and offers a nervous smile. She explains while he is still gaping like a fish.

"Kallen told me that in ancient Japan, cutting off long hair symbolized being banished from your home. And in modern Japanese culture, for girls it means 'starting anew'."

She says this quietly but without hesitation, and Lelouch's heart slows down as he observes her calm face.

"What's the big deal?" Kallen asks, a little unsure. "If she wants to—"

"It's just—" Lelouch begins, but for once he has trouble completing his thoughts. To help him along, he thinks of all the Britannian women he has known in his life: mother, Guinevere, Cornelia, Nunally, Milly, Shirley, Nina. "That may very well be Japanese culture. But it's not Britannian culture. Our ladies always wear their hair long, even our warriors." Indeed, Milly's hair and Cornelia's were the shortest he'd ever seen on a Britannian woman. And he is sure there must be other Britannian women with short hair, but it's so... "I was just startled by the change. I apologize."

"Sure," Kallen says, frowning at him but not quite hostile as she usually is. She finishes chopping through Euphy's hair as Lelouch bends down to pick up the helmet. He sets Zero's mask on the cluttered table between the two beds. (He is very surprised by how messy the room is. Is it Kallen's fault, or Euphemia's, because Euphy doesn't really know how to clean house? And C.C. is like this as well. Aren't women supposed to be cleaner than men?)

"Here," he says. He takes the scissors from Kallen and they do a little squeezing because this room is smaller than Zero's quarters. Kallen removes his cloak for him as well and sits with it folded in her lap, one hand clutched around the enormously long ponytail. Lelouch fixes the sloppy cut, makes it even all around instead of the weird shape created by pulling the front even  
>with the back while cutting. Euphemia's eyes are tightly closed, as if she's resisting some great suffering.<p>

Kallen considers Euphy's reflection. "I think she'd look cute with bangs."

Lelouch hums and agrees, and Euphy says, "Whatever you think is best," so Lelouch brings forward the front of her hair and cuts it straight across her forehead. The cut done, Lelouch finds a comb and brush and works it over until Euphy's natural curls come into play and the underside of her new hair flips inward.

Kallen chuckles, hands Euphy the remnants of her hair, and leaves the room. Lelouch stands and stares at the bunch of hair, still a little horrified, scissors still held aloft. Euphy's hair has nothing to do with him, and a hair cut will hardly change anything at all. So why does it feel like they've crossed a threshold from which there is no return?

"Lelouch?" Euphy asks, while Lelouch continues to run his fingers through her hair, his stomach pressed against her back. "Do you know someone named Mao?"

She isn't looking at him as she asks. He doesn't know what this is all about, but he says he doesn't know the name and she drops the subject. Lelouch bends down, swoops up a fresh flower, tucks it behind her ear, and smiles. For the first time since he entered the room, she smiles too. "So you are my brother. I've been looking for you."

She pauses and hums. "Lelouch... about my brother..."

"Which one?" he asks, while being aware of exactly who she means.

"Schneizel."

Lelouch tilts his head down so that the mirror doesn't reflect the poisonous smile seeping onto his face. "Hmm?"

"He's coming to Area 11. Ever since Cornelia was captured, he's been planning to come here as soon as he's finished with his part of the EU. He'll be the one to take over, now."

"When?"

"Last I heard... it would be eight days from today. That's the earliest he can get away, he says, because the situation over there is unstable. The original landing site was to be the base on Shikinejima, but now..."

Lelouch smoothes her hair back down, bends over, and places a small kiss on the crown of her head. He rests his hands on her shoulders. (Like with Suzaku in his dreams.) "Thank you, Euphy."

Euphy suddenly turns on her stool to look up at Lelouch, eyes shimmering. "Please don't kill him either."

"You keep telling me that, Euphy," he says softly. He feels dangerous as he squeezes her shoulders. "I can't just keep all my political dissidents locked up in separate rooms for the rest of their lives."

She looks into his red eye—the one he has grown accustomed to hiding with a swinging curtain of thick hair—as if she can see it shining through his darkness and knows exactly what it is and what it's done to her. "Why not?" she asks, and for once her voice is strong.

Lelouch doesn't really know how to answer that.

(Because I want to see the maggots eat them.)

"Euphy, I won't kill Schneizel." Not immediately. "I have questions to ask him. He's the one who dragged away my mother's body."

Euphy is only a little bit appeased. "Do you want to kill father?" she whispers.

The answer to that one is very simple. "Yes."

Lelouch can't seem to stop touching his angelic little sister. He brushes a hand across her cheek and smiles again. "Euphy, I love you. Wholeheartedly."

She squeezes his hand back.

And there's something else within him, something else he wants to say, but for whatever reason he cannot put it into words; the wretched, painful sort of emotion he feels coursing not through his blood but through his bones. So he asks her if there was anything else she wanted to discuss, listens to her say no, and then departs with a swish of the cape he throws back around his shoulders and the slick click of his mask locking into place.

* * *

><p>"We have one week, o Knights for justice! So beat on! Now is the time to move forward. Cornelia and Euphemia are both in our hands. Guilford is no match. We advance at once to Tokyo! We will take back the heart of Japan!"<p>

A chanting of Zero! Zero! Zero! there arises and echoes over the mountaintops.

* * *

><p>He finds out who Mao is soon enough, as he observes his forces begin to move out in droves: this, the combined force of his Black Knights, Katase's Japanese Liberation Front, the remnants of other resistance groups supported by Kyoto including the Blood of the Samurai faction, and the mass swell of new members that made it to Narita after the capture of Cornelia.<p>

As Zero prepares to climb into his Burai, a sweating nurse runs to his side. This one, he recalls, is one of the only ones to befriend Euphemia and often cuts her slack where others would not. She does not pause to catch her breath but says, "Eu-Eu- Euphemia... gone... she disappeared... with a man..."

"What..."

"A Chinese man... She said—" She straightens and takes a few deep gasps of air. "—she said his name was Mao. She said she'd be back, and left with him. But that was yesterday. Euphemia hasn't returned since yesterday!"


	8. Chapter 8

There are some parts of this chapter I really like, and some I really dislike. I really have to work on my action scenes. ^^;; And... idk. The second from last scene in this chapter makes me cringe, but I have no clue how to fix it. Sorry, all, for the weird quality of this chapter, and bad handling of said scene.

Also, fair warning: This chapter has scenes of a sexual tinge. Absolutely nothing is explicit or really concrete, but it has vaguely incestuous and also vaguely homosexual undertones. If neither of these is to your liking, don't worry too much: it's gone in a flash.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 8**

Zero has no choice but to cast his Geass over the entire medical staff after questioning them all in private. If the Black Knights heads learn of Euphemia's suspicious disappearance, it would mean disaster, and their trust in Zero would crumble—this is the worst possible time, what is Euphemia up to?

Zero's skull is filled to burst. Euphemia has no knowledge besides Zero's identity, so why run away now? To expose Lelouch? Did she find some other information? Was this all a ploy? Is she trying to free Cornelia somehow? Was she kidnapped? Is Mao a friend of hers? Were they walking when something happened? An attack upon their persons? Some dangerous piece of land left from the landslide?

Too many possibilities are crashing around in his head, but there's absolutely no concrete evidence to any of his theories. When he searches her room at base, it's as messy as ever, and he still finds nothing. When he calls her phone, it rings and rings without answer.

Eventually he has no choice but to give up the immediate search. He Geasses a select group of members who are to stay behind at base into searching for Euphemia without speaking of or drawing attention to their actions. This is the best he can do, and he hops in a fast transport that speeds him up to the command vehicle, where he belongs.

Very much later, he thinks that he has never had to use Geass on his subordinates. But he has no time to contemplate the moral implications of his actions; he has a war to win.

* * *

><p>Britannians begin to evacuate their homes by the Black Knights' steady advance. It isn't long until Tokyo. Lelouch calls Nunally.<p>

She cries and begs him to stop. He doesn't understand.

"Don't cry, Nunally. After Tokyo, I'll head to Fuji. We'll finally get to see each other." He smiles at the thought.

But by the sound of her voice, she isn't at all happy. "What about Ashford? Brother—"

Lelouch cuts her off, irritated and fighting not to let it show in his voice. "I've already promised, Nunally. I won't harm Ashford. They're my friends too, you know. I wouldn't put them in danger."

After that, all he hears is her thick, tear-heavy breathing. He, in turn, doesn't breathe at all, just waits and listens for a reassurance that never comes. He swallows around the bile he feels rising in his throat.

"I love you, Nunally," he says.

"I know."

He rests his head in his hand and clutches at his forehead, trying to stem the returning ache and the burning he feels somewhere behind his eyes. "Do you love me?" he whispers.

It seems to him an eternity before she sobs back, "Yes." A long pause for sniffling. "Love you."

Lelouch smiles and says goodbye, tells her he'll see her soon. As long as she loves him, there's no hesitation in his heart.

* * *

><p>Guilford and Dalton, without Cornelia, are crumbled much faster. The lines they set up between Narita and Tokyo are nothing, and the Black Knights break through quite easily. Alone in his room, Lelouch cannot help but to laugh; who knew destroying the world was child's play?<p>

* * *

><p>"Hear me, Britannia. This is Zero, a rebel against oppressors who abuse their power. We will wait until midnight. You have until then to surrender to me. This is your only warning: heed it. Twelve midnight. Not a single second later."<p>

The only path left for Lelouch is the one that leads straight ahead.

* * *

><p>The city's foundation purge goes off without a hitch. Zero works with a vicious single-mindedness as the Black Knights converge upon the government bureau. He makes Ashford the command base and lets Kallen deal with the rest of the student council. With no hope for rescue, they huddle in a corner and wait for the storm to pass.<p>

The greatest threat the Black Knights faced was the errant Jeremiah Gottwald—but with a well-timed, synchronized attack from all sides, even the Knightmare gigafortress later known as Siegfried is felled. In the attempt to lure the giant floating thing to the ground, Asahina and Senba are killed.

Guildford screams for the return of his princess. He is raw and his entire heart is devoted to her, Zero can tell, because that is how Royal Knights get more often than not. It's a shame that such a loyal subject is slaughtered, skewered on Tohdoh's sword.

Honorary Britannians defect and join halfway through, when commanders die and it is easier to escape without certain death. With the help of those inside the building, the government bureau is overtaken. The Britannians inside are lined up and executed by Urabe's command.

Tokyo belongs to the Black Knights by sunrise. Zero doesn't sleep for the next two days.

* * *

><p>When finally he does get the chance to sleep—really sleep, not cat naps to keep him from delirium but actual deep, restful, prolonged sleep—he enjoys laying down on the bed with a shudder and a sigh. This is Euphemia's room, and Lelouch admires her taste, supposing she directed the decorating. The bed is large, soft, and white, draped luxuriously. The fireplace heats the entire room pleasantly.<p>

In here, he is able to forget the constant stream of tasks that belong to the outside world and the strange behavior of the homeland's force, and the Emperor's decision to not come to the aid of Area 11. (What on earth is that bastard up to? Come on, come on, come to Area 11, while Lelouch is still thrumming with this mad, mad energy.)

Even though she has been gone for a while, Euphemia's sweet scent is everywhere, even in the bed sheets. Lelouch feels only slightly awkward lying where she has lain, himself without any clothes on. His night clothes, after all, were left behind at Narita, and he doesn't particularly fancy letting the Black Knights know that he is, indeed, human, and that sometimes the Zero costume gets folded and there is a naked little boy underneath. But Lelouch has never before felt so... indecent. Exposed, like a savage and not a prince, which shouldn't really matter since he gave up his supposed divinity long ago. So after the initial embarrassment, such indecency fades away, along with any dignity he might have once clung to even when he was alone, and he is able to enjoy himself.

He breathes in her scent deeply, wraps himself in it. The soft, warm sheets feel good on every inch they touch; his collar, his stomach, his legs, and- he blushes in the semi-darkness as the heavy silken fabric brushes against his chest and pools between his legs.

The thought of being unworthy, or beastly, or unclean, or anything of the sort doesn't for a second cross his mind. He isn't thinking, now, about the blood on his hands, as if it might smear from his body and stain the sheets and ruin the whole thing. Doesn't think about the mud of landslides caked onto his skin. Doesn't think about all the dead little particles inherently clinging to every bit of him, every dead piece of himself that he is leaving behind here in the silk.

Instead he thinks of Euphemia, and then he thinks of Nunally. Wonders if Euphemia knew just what he now knows about these sheets, about how good it feels to be just a little indecent and to cover up such indecency with this heaven and have it caress your body. To feel this heaviness between your legs, in your most intimate part, previously untouched, and feel secure in the locks on the door and the deep echoing of a high ceiling and the veil of curtains ringing the bed and the quiet dark that the fire only barely penetrates. Then he thinks of Nunally and Euphemia together, and him on the other side of Nunally, like it was when they were children. When Nunally and Lelouch had spent the night in Euphy's room, and the image of their mother had shattered, and sweet little Euphy had smiled and shared and then they had lain together and—

—and Lelouch is asleep.

And Lelouch is home: in his sunflower patch, rolling around with Suzaku in playful wrestle, happily laughing. Suzaku's skin is as warm as the fire, his body the same weight as the sheets, and his chest occasionally brushes flush against Lelouch's, leg occasionally slips between Lelouch's, like the sheets. Lelouch strokes his hair, like he stroked Euphemia's, and if he were thinking, he should remember that Suzaku's hair was coarse, not this soft (soft as the sheets). And Suzaku never smelt like a girl (like Euphemia, so sweet). Suzaku should smell like...

Suzaku should smell like...

...he can't remember.

He does know that he is dreaming, but it doesn't matter much. How does he know it's only a dream? He laughs to himself as his and Suzaku's rolling comes to a stop with Suzaku pressing down into Lelouch. They stay there for a while, still, just breathing together. The sky is eye-wateringly blue above them. Lelouch laughs some more, at himself this time, because there's really no use in wondering if reality is real. No point in wondering if the world where he is Zero is a bad, bad nightmare and this world with a warm, living Suzaku is his wakening.

In the end, he lives in both.

* * *

><p>He wakes up to sunlight streaming into the room from a line of high, secure, small windows set near the ceiling. The windows are stained glass, casting beautiful jewel-like colors over the entire room. Lelouch notices two things: one, that the sheets are sticky, and two, that the fire has been extinguished.<p>

He lays still for a while, calm and warm and far too close to the dream to be moved into panic quite yet. In the meantime, he searches the room and comes up with the answer without having to panic anyway. The sheets next to him are crinkled, as if someone were laying there beside him, and the door to the bathroom is open, the sound of water running coming through it, and a soft, feminine voice singing lightly.

Lelouch wraps himself in the clean top sheet and walks to find C.C. in the tub. The bathroom is white and golden, the yellow sunshine filling it like the light of heaven. C.C.'s hair is piled on top of her head in a sloppy, steam-mussed bun. He runs his eye over the symbol on her forehead, but is no longer surprised by it; he has lived next to her too long to be embarrassed by her nakedness or the strangeness of her body in particular. The water pulsates around her, the jets having been activated.

"Did you have a nice rest?" C.C. asks him with a mock sweet tone. She extends one long leg from the water, to stretch it he presumes, and lets him admire it a little.

"Yes," he says lightly, not rising to her bait. She smiles one of her teensy, wicked smiles and hoists herself from the water. He looks away because he is a polite young man, but she stretches her arms above her head and her breasts rise up and reveal her scar, and he can't help but look then, at least briefly.

"Good," C.C. replies, "because today you will be meeting with the scientist Rakshata Chawla."

* * *

><p>Rakshata Chawla is an extraordinarily tall woman, but it's hard to tell because she is so often seen reclining. She stands up only to shake Zero's hand. He welcomes her to the captured government building and invites her to the laboratory. They discuss her work in medical cybernetics briefly, but she isn't keen on the subject and so drops it. Zero looks in her eyes and appreciates the brilliance he sees there.<p>

The remnants of the Siegfried are stationed in the lab, teams already working on what they can repair.

"Of course, it would be ideal if we as well had captured a float system from the Britannians, but I suppose that would be asking too much, right?" she says around her pipe.

"Please repair it," Zero says. "As well as the Guren which was moderately damaged in the battle of Tokyo. You have any capable Black Knight at your service."

"Yes, and I have another trick for you to use. We just developed it. I'll get you the report on that." She seems prideful as she swishes the pipe to the other side of her mouth and smiles at him.

"Time is of the essence," Zero reminds her. She just nods and hums and her team sets to work. The woman makes an immediate beeline and embraces what she can of the Guren's leg.

* * *

><p>The second night sleeping in Euphemia's bed, Lelouch is a lot less comfortable. It has taken all day for him to realize just what, exactly, happened in the night and its effects on the morning. He has C.C. launder the sheets in the middle of the night, for which he is mercilessly mocked, and Kallen brings him clothes in which to sleep.<p>

"Oh, yes. I forgot to say this," he says as she is walking away. She tosses a tired, annoyed look over her shoulder. He continues, "I've already congratulated my soldiers. I've praised the heads. I've even praised individuals. I've praised you."

She glares at him as if to say, I know this.

"But," he says and takes a deep, sighing breath. "I wanted to tell you face to face. Thank you."

The hostile expression on her face melts a little, but she still isn't exactly receptive, so he elaborates.

"I don't say it often. But you deserve it, and probably more. Thank you for staying by Zero's side, for not telling anyone of Lelouch, and... for not alerting anyone of Euphemia's disappearance. Kallen. Do you know of anyone named Mao?"

Kallen just looks at him, face set halfway between like and dislike. "I don't."

"Alright," he says softly, because he believes her.

She gives him a tiny smirk. "Get some rest, please, Zero, sir."

He tries.

* * *

><p>In the morning he realizes that C.C. is being more helpful than he can ever remember her being, and he accuses her of such. She shrugs and flops back onto the bed with its newly cleaned sheets and nearly upsets the breakfast tray she has set in his lap.<p>

"Fuji now belongs to the Black Knights," she says loftily. Lelouch feels a thrill in his stomach like a frantic rabbit is settled there. C.C. says, "Tohdoh will be returning to Tokyo to prepare for Schneizel. He's leaving Chiba in charge. Satisfactory?"

"Yes," he says firmly, and proceeds to shovel eggs into his mouth.

She stretches and her body runs along his. "You don't have to eat so fast. You can call Nunally anytime. You'll give yourself a stomach ache."

"Shut it."

She chuckles. "Also, taking in Rakshata's report and Intelligence's, Ougi decided while you slept to actively pursue another scientist, this one Britannian. His name is Lloyd Asplund, and he creates specialty Knightmares directly under Schneizel's control."

Lelouch nods, mouth full and not really feeling it's worth commenting on, anyway.

"Apparently, Asplund has developed a float system for Knightmares."

Lelouch swallows hard and grins. "So," he finally says, and leaves it at that because when they make eye contact, she knows exactly what he means.

He thinks for another moment, then picks up his cellphone from the bedside table, which he practically has to crawl to. He scrolls to Nunally's number, and while the phone is ringing, he says to C.C. , "We must prepare Fuji and evacuate it of non-essential personnel."

"What, are you bringing Nunally here?" C.C. asks, eyebrows raised.

But Lelouch cuts her off with a raised hand. "Hi, Nunally, it's me."

He chats with his little sister long after he is supposed to be changing into Zero's costume and even after C.C. has left. He thinks, Finally, I have my castle. And here will live my vassals, and my wife, and my family. And at night I will have my friend. Glory to the new world!

* * *

><p>Lloyd Asplund and his team have nowhere to run, it seems, because a Black Knight ship catches him and his team as they try to leave the country. There is a brief struggle—apparently one of Asplund's female assistants is quite the competent Knightmare pilot—but they are eventually taken in. By order, all of Asplund's confiscated equipment and research is sent directly and securely to Tokyo, and by Rakshata's request, so is Asplund.<p>

Zero thusly joins Rakshata in a march down to the prison cells where Asplund and his crew are being held, albeit separately. On arrival, Rakshata looks very pleased, in a cruel sort of way, but Zero has to hold in his gasp of surprise. The mask might've made a sound, because Rakshata half-glances at Zero, but pays no more mind after.

Nina is sitting in the female holding cell, looking scared and cold.

"Well, well, well," Rakshata sneers, laughing highly and waving her pipe about. "So here is the great Earl of Pudding!"

Asplund gives Rakshata what could best be described as a pouty, childish glare. Rakshata says no more, however, as Zero steps forward. "Thank you for the gift you have given us. It's called the Lancelot, is it not?"

Asplund makes an absolutely dreadful face. "Not my Lancelot! You can't mean that Rakshata will work on my Lancelot! No~! Get your grubby paws off of it!"

Rakshata laughs again, getting her triumphant face very close to the glass. "And I'll use it to further my beautiful Guren! As always, your work is ugly. You have no sense of artful design."

Asplund pounds on the glass, furthering Zero's perception of him as a genius five year old with too many toys. "Your junk is lopsided!"

"If we need any help on it, Asplund, I will expect your full cooperation," Zero says lowly.

"And why should I?" Asplund sneers.

"Because if you don't, I have no troubles killing you and moving on to the next person. It'd be a little harder, but I think we can manage with your assistants."

Asplund pales. "Very good~. That's a good enough reason for me!"

"Lloyd!" one of the female prisoners says, scandalized. Nina trembles.

"In fact, we need a pilot to teach our pilot. So who piloted the Lancelot at Shinjuku?" Zero asks.

The female answers before Lloyd can. "Jeremiah Gottwald did that, but you've already killed him!"

Underneath the mask, Zero can't help but smile. "Indeed. So then who piloted the Lancelot when you were captured?"

The woman falls silent, glaring stonily up at Zero.

"Ah. So it was you."

She neither confirms nor denies.

"Will you cooperate with me?" No answer. "What is your name?" No answer. "Your devotion to Britannia and all of its evils is astounding." No answer except for a hardening of the glare. Zero loses patience. "Very well, then. Guards. Open the door and extract the young girl with glasses."

"Stop!" the pilot shouts without thinking, but her arms are bound and she can do nothing while the guards hoist a screaming Nina to her feet.

"I'm afraid," Zero says as the pilot is shoved back into the cell and the glass door is replaced, "that I don't have time to wait you out. This girl is now my personal prisoner. You will have one hour to decide to cooperate, and after that, the girl starts losing fingers."

Nina is crying and making little squeaks, having run out of screams. Zero takes Nina by the arm himself and turns with Rakshata away from the cells.

"One hour, pilot."

* * *

><p>Nina faints and has to be dragged along after a certain point, a task for which Zero enlists the help of two guards. When finally Nina is situated in a pleasant, cozy room, Zero dismisses all else. Rakshata hesitates before she exits.<p>

"Knight for Justice, huh?" she mocks, but she looks supremely amused. Zero looks at her over his shoulder.

"A bluff," he says quietly.

She shrugs. "You don't have to try to convince me, Hero of the People." And she leaves.

Nina comes to while Zero is pondering that. With the absence of any obvious foreigners, she uncurls and looks around with tear-stained eyes. Zero sighs, the noise sounding odd and robotic over the voice scrambler, and uncuffs Nina's arms. Nina looks up at him, wide-eyed.

He could do many things at this moment. He could remove his mask and reveal himself, leaning on their friendship which was, admittedly, rather weak. He could use his Geass on her and force her to put her big brain to work for the Black Knights. He could manipulate her using Euphy. He could actually remove her finger.

But for some reason that he can't fathom, he doesn't do a thing. He looks at her looking at her reflection in his mask, and doesn't hurt or help her any further. He hasn't ever thought of her too much. Nina is his friend, but barely. At any rate, she isn't nosy or overtly violent and she doesn't have a crush on Lelouch. She's smart and sometimes they compare notes, homework, theories, but they are smart in two different ways. He could never really get close to her; one, because she reminds him of what he hates in Britannia, and two, because he never tried and she never tried.

And this is what they are left with: staring at each other, hating each other, but not hurting each other. An impotent hate. In the end, Zero has given his word to never harm the student council.

(But she's not a member of the student council, something in his mind whispers. It's too much trouble to deal with her. She went off to work with Britannian soldiers of her very own accord, so Zero can't be faulted for harming her. She must've dropped out of school to do such a thing. She's not even close to Nunally. Nunally would never have to know...)

Zero is still undecided when he leaves her there, alone, and locks the door behind him, casting her into darkness. He's almost— almost—disappointed when it is reported fifteen minutes later that the pilot, Cecile Croomy, is cooperating easily.


	9. Chapter 9

Oops. I totally dropped the ball updating this. Well, here you go, folks. We're standing on the last legs of this story.

Warning: this chapter is the goriest of them all. Please also note that there is a certain line in this chapter unabashedly ganked from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 9**

And most horrible: after all this, this preparation and planning and going through all the trouble of moving his family yet again—Schneizel isn't coming, and neither is the emperor. As if nothing had happened in Area 11 at all, as if the whole world isn't churning and uprisings taking place globally.

The reason is only more baffling.

"Both the emperor and the second prince have gone missing," Diethard reports. Zero hesitates, and in that instant a thrill of tenseness runs through the assembled staff, so Zero asks for clarification. Diethard doesn't shrug, but he might as well have. "There isn't much more information than that. The emperor has been seen by no one for some period of time. Though they tried, of course these things can't be kept quiet. The prince disappeared three days ago as well."

"What about Bismarck, the emperor's Knight? What of his forces?"

"Bismarck is also missing, Zero." Diethard looks almost nervous to say it. The entire senior staff exchanges glances around the table, all shifting uncomfortably. Ougi clears his throat, opens his mouth, and then appears to come to the conclusion that whatever he has to say won't mean a thing, so he falls silent again. Zero's hands are clenching and unclenching on the armrests.

"Odysseus? Guinevere?"

"All tied up in the EU conflict or in the new conflicts closer to Britannia."

Someone else finally speaks up. Sugiyama says, "That is the worst time for the Britannian emperor to go missing!"

Tohdoh coughs. His eyes are closed and his arms are folded in his traditional meditative pose. "You're wrong. This was the best time for the emperor to go missing."

Ougi frowns. "Too easy! For what reason..."

"To save his own skin? Is he that afraid of our power?" Inoue poses.

"Impossible!" Asahina says, but his body language is apprehensive.

But all their speculation ends with an odd, high, and cold sound issuing from Zero's helmet: it is Ougi who first realizes, followed by Diethard and Tohdoh, that for the first time in their memory, Zero is laughing.

* * *

><p>"Zero, may I speak with you?"<p>

Zero nods and leads Kallen into an empty room. Kallen secures the door, then tosses him a tense, nervous look. Zero removes his helmet and Lelouch raises his eyebrow in question.

"They know," Kallen says, voice tight and low.

"They know...?"

Kallen huffs. "That Euphemia is missing! They aren't stupid, you know."

"Ah, no, they aren't," Lelouch admits, sitting in the nearest chair. He contemplates the area around his shoes with some dark malice. "Of course, I was wondering when..."

"It was suspicious from the beginning—Zero meeting with the Britannian princess, then the princess betrays her people. Come on, they've always been watching her! They've known from the very moment she disappeared!"

"But you didn't know the very moment that they knew," Lelouch points out smugly, feeling a little nasty. Kallen flushes.

"They don't tell you because they're already looking for her," Kallen hisses.

He had expected as much and tells Kallen so. But still, he is surprised to learn that it was Ougi's idea to not report Euphemia's disappearance to Zero.

"Don't make me choose between Zero and Ougi," Kallen whispers, and it is the closest to a plea he's ever seen from her.

"Don't worry, Kallen," he reassures her with a hand on her shoulder. "He's suspicious of me, but he still stands beside me. Ougi is a Black Knight. I will do my best to assuage the fears in this organization—his, yours, and the fears of anyone else who doubts me."

But the words seem insincere and hollow to him, even though she smiles brightly at him.

* * *

><p>Nunally arrives quietly, hidden masterfully with the fanfare of the appearance of the heads of the Six Houses of Kyoto. Lelouch is able to steal precious moments with her, alone in Euphy's room—now Lelouch's room, and C.C.'s room, but, Lelouch thinks, it may well be time to kick the witch out if he wants to keep Nunally safe.<p>

C.C., though, is the one who comes to him and whispers where his ear should be, and he leaves his soldiers in their meetings with Kyoto without bothering to give an explanation.

He flings the door to the room open, and there Nunally sits, dappled in colorful light. His angel. He crosses the room, removes the mask, calls her name, and she is ready and stretching out for a mighty embrace—

...which he does not bestow. Instead he kneels before her, his dark cape trailing on the floor behind him. She frowns, upset, and retracts her arms back to her body, but he grabs one of her hands and then holds it gently in his glove. He presses his lips onto her warm, soft skin and lingers there, feeling the blood throb just underneath the surface.

Zero returns to the reception just in time to run straight into Ougi, who blushes and apologizes profusely. Zero waves it off and waits for Ougi to step aside, but that moment doesn't come. Instead, Ougi is staring straight into his mask, still blushing but also looking completely bewildered. Zero then also realizes that the entire room behind him is quiet and looking.

"You know," Ougi finally says, slowly and reluctantly, "you could have told us you were getting married.

Kaguya is sitting in the room, looking very proper as she lowers her eyes demurely to the folded hands in her lap, but the mischievous grin on her face cannot be hidden.

"Ah, yes," Zero responds intelligently.

* * *

><p>Zero doesn't quite expect the absolute brouhaha that his engagement stirs up, but perhaps he should have. Or at least realized that weddings in the Imperial Court would be vastly different from the weddings of commoners. From his childhood experience, he expects polite whispering, and carefully printed congratulatory notes, and at least some manner of decorum. What he doesn't quite expect, exactly, is the obscene amount of alcohol sent to him, the good luck cards and the flowers, the raucous celebration by people he doesn't even know, and the bright faces all around. Kaguya informs him it is not particularly because they are Japanese or because they are 'commoners'—he laughs at that.<p>

"After all," Ougi laughs later, perhaps a little tipsy himself, "no one had any reason to believe you were married or weren't married already, we had no clue. Now it turns out are esteemed leader, the man who gave us back Japan, is getting married. Of course people are excited!"

Chiba is much less hostile towards him than usual—she's even sort of friendly and feminine as she talks about wedding plans with Kaguya. "You're not having a traditional wedding?" she asks, sounding surprised.

Kaguya politely shakes her head. "I'd like to, but it would be very impractical. I have to consider my fiancée's needs in this. So, there will only be a few guests, and it will have to be closed. We tried to work out a reception, at least, but it seems that is not possible either. In any case, I have to wait one year. We decided to uphold the old laws that were in place before the Britannian invasion, so I should be sixteen first."

Zero, sitting rigidly upright, thinks about marriage, about the crazy idea that Kaguya Sumeragi really will be Kaguya vi Britannia, a princess of Britannia in her own right. And she will be his and he hers, or they are supposed to be as such, until either of them dies. And is he supposed to take bed with her?, he wonders with a blush that thankfully is not seen. So who the hell is going to sleep beside him now? C.C., who has slept beside him all this time, or Nunally, who he wanted hours earlier, or this girl, his future wife? And is it really such a big deal, he asks himself, because this arrangement of hardly knowing your own fiancée is not much different from the Imperial Court, but—

(and he begins to hurt somewhere in his chest)

—at a normal wedding, Euphemia would be present. He resolves grimly to find her, to save her from whatever trouble she is in or where ever she might have gone, to bring her back and repair things between them, so that both of his two beloved sisters will see him be married one year from now.

"Perhaps one day we can have a proper wedding?" Kaguya says softly, smiling up at Zero's mask, the tenderness of the action hidden under the loud celebrations.

"Perhaps one day," Zero agrees verbally. But inside himself, he has trouble seeing when that day would ever come.

* * *

><p>Various people leave between the beginning of the party and midnight, and at some point only Zero, Kaguya, and Kirihara remain present. Lelouch finally removes his mask at their request. Kirihara spends his time laughing at the two children trying out adult things—or that's how he phrases it as he passes them some alcohol and implores them to try another adult thing.<p>

Lelouch takes a sip of the sake but doesn't like it much. He tries not to think of other 'adult things'.

At some point he calls for Sayoko to bring in Nunally, and the nursemaid quickly transports her through the dark hallways. Lelouch lifts her from her chair and brings her down to their level around the low table. When Nunally leans against his side for support, he wraps his arm around her and feels her living warmth against his side. Kirihara treats her pleasantly, almost like an adorable granddaughter, like he treats Kaguya sometimes.

"Well," Kirihara rumbles, face beginning to turn red. "This gathering is familiar."

Cottoning on to Kirihara's meaning immediately, Lelouch presses his lips together and tries not to tense, because Nunally would feel it.

Kaguya also understands, and she says wistfully, staring into her nearly untouched cup of sake, "Yes, but it is also different. After all, my uncle is dead and my cousin..."

Nunally lifts her head, pretty face wrinkling.

"I haven't spoken to him in years. Honestly, that boy... You know he joined the Britannian military?" Kaguya finished.

"Traitor," Kirihara grumbles. Lelouch only distantly registers the hypocrisy before Kirihara turns to him. "You remember the Kururugi."

"Of course I remember," Lelouch whispers. "I will never forget."

"Lelouch and Suzaku were friends," Kaguya supplies. Lelouch winces, unused to hearing Suzaku's name out loud.

"I didn't know," says Kirihara.

"Best friends," Lelouch forces out. "Before or since. I..."

Nunally's fingers find the underside of his wrist. She speaks up as he trails off.

"My brother and I loved Suzaku very much. The three of us survived together during the month of the invasion, after Genbu committed suicide."

Kirihara laughs, short, sharp and loud. "Suicide, sure!"

The room freezes over instantly. Nunally's fingers squeeze, Kaguya's face contorts in confusion, and Sayoko stops in middle of pouring sake for Kirihara. She gently sets the bottle down—wisely, Lelouch thinks later.

"Kirihara-san?" Kaguya prompts, voice quiet. Lelouch glares suspiciously at Kirihara through the part in his curtain of bangs.

The old man points at Sayoko. "You will forget this conversation upon leaving." Sayoko glances at Lelouch before bowing in acquiescence. Kirihara's finger swings to point at Lelouch. "And the rest of you deserve to know, but you will never speak of this outside of this group of people."

"Spit it out, Kirihara," Lelouch growls.

The old man laughs again, that mean chuckle, and takes another sip of sake.

"Kururugi Genbu did not commit suicide. The man was not that honorable. Kururugi Genbu called for every Japanese person to fight the Britannians to the death. The children and the women and the old people, too. He said it would be better for every last one of us to die rather than give in. And for this belief, he was murdered."

The reaction is instant: both Kaguya and Nunally gasp in shock; Lelouch can't help the disbelieving "what?" that escapes him.

"What? But—"

"Because of this, the Japanese people were saved, and now we have Japan back. What a glorious assassin!"

Lelouch feels Nunally's hand twist into the fabric of Lelouch's cape. Whatever else Genbu was, he was Suzaku's father. And to lose a parent to political assassination... Feeling a sudden upsurge in affection and belonging to Suzaku's memory, Lelouch says, "Who? Who was the assassin?"

Kirihara doesn't even laugh this time.

"Kururugi Suzaku."

* * *

><p>Outside the door to Kaguya's quarters some twenty minutes later, Kaguya looks up at Zero with eyes shimmering in the dim starlight. She clings to every good memory of the man she was once supposed to marry, despite any and all reason. She asks, "When was the last time you ever saw Suzaku?" —looking, no doubt, for some gallant depiction of some lonely-hero type figure, holding his own in the middle of gunfire and destruction.<p>

Zero says, "I last saw him at Shinjuku, where I watched him die."

And with that he turns around and returns to Nunally, taking with him some horrible pleasure in seeing her look just as sick and lonely and scared as he feels.

* * *

><p>He does his best to force down the bile, but he barely makes it to the toilet before it's pouring out, his entire body in total pain, spasms coming so hard that he jerks forward and smacks his forehead again and again on the porcelain back. His eyes stream, he feels it coming out of his nose, and it seems as if his throat will give way or his eyeballs will pop or maybe his arms will give out from under him, sending him head first down into the cesspool.<p>

"Brother?" he hears being called from the main part of the bathroom. Sayoko is kneeling by his side, quick as lightening, pushing back his hair from his mouth and his cursed eye as he moans and sobs.

Even after he is utterly empty, still his stomach heaves. He doesn't settle down at all even as he crawls from the toilet closet and over to the shower stall. He feels like a slug, twisting and dragging himself across the unclean ground, leaving a trail of clear slime in his wake.

Even as he writhes in the stall, a pair of hands descends upon him—C.C. this time, utterly dispassionate, stripping him bare so that he can look down and see his own pale stomach twisting and rippling. She turns the water on for him, getting a little wet herself. He cries under the warm stream, but eventually it calms him and his stomach finally settles.

Only then does he realize that he has a wary female audience, and that the Zero mask is face down on the wet floor. But he can't find enough of himself within the emptiness of his body in order to care.

* * *

><p>C.C. strokes his forehead gently as Sayoko tucks Nunally into the other side of the bed. Lelouch lays on the very edge, a bucket beneath him and ready. The nausea medicine is left on the bedside table. The door at the far end of the room clicks shut like a coffin lid and plunges the room into all-encompassing darkness.<p>

The silence there reigns for only a minute or two before, like a breeze more than a voice, he hears, "Brother?"

He turns to her and begins shuffling to the middle, hearing her do the same. They meet closer to her side, and he reaches down under the covers for her. His hand first touches her thigh, and he moves down, skimming the soft, thin cotton of her nightdress, to grasp her knees and pull her legs closer. She ducks into his neck and throws her arms around his chest, and he in turn hugs her by the waist and tangles his legs up with hers.

He breathes deeply and grits his teeth. Her legs are ice-cold, the blood having trouble flowing and warming that part of her. They don't twitch against him, either, with the faint hum of life. Like part of her is dead.

* * *

><p>Lelouch is already expecting it, and so is not surprised to meet Suzaku in his dreams that night.<p>

But this time, they are in the chapel on the grounds of Ashford. Lelouch, who as always is aware he is dreaming, laughs at the setting bitterly. The house of God, eh? The place to repent.

Suzaku is sitting on a bench, his back turned to Lelouch. Dream symbolism is not beyond Lelouch. Suzaku's back is turned so that Lelouch cannot see his face, because Lelouch cannot now imagine what sort of person Suzaku really is—that is, was. Used to be. What kind of expression he'd have on his face as Lelouch confronted him about murdering his own father. And Lelouch stands there, naked as the day he was born, bare to the atmosphere and to the truth, unable to hide at all.

"Lelouch," Suzaku's voice echoes out. "Do you know why?"

Lelouch walks slowly toward the front of the chapel, waves of putrid decay hitting his nose. Suzaku says—

"Do you know why you cannot relent or repent or confess or abstain?"

What an incredibly odd thing for Suzaku to say. Lelouch turns the corner and sits next to Suzaku on the bench. The smell is choking now, Lelouch feels like he has a mouth full of rotting flesh. (It kind of feels like he's starting to rot as well.) And Suzaku's face is the face from Shinjuku—eyes closed, skin waxy, empty and stained on his cheek, abdomen swollen. As Lelouch watches, it only gets worse: that little stain spreads and the entire body begins to puff.

In his dreams he does not vomit, but when he looks down he finds slugs crawling across his bare skin. Somehow his emotions aren't connecting, though, and this does not bother him. He knows he is dreaming, but he can't control his actions. Lelouch reaches out his arm, covered in slime, and begins to remove Suzaku's military armor. He starts slowly at first, then ends up yanking it off of his friend, but the swelling only makes it hard to squeeze the pieces off. As soon as Lelouch yanks the chest plate over Suzaku's head, something bursts.

In his dream he can see the gases escaping the corpse: they are depicted as thick yellow smog, rolling over Lelouch's body, touching his face and his chest and his legs and tender, fleshy, private areas, burning the epidermis like a sunburn. Like chlorine swimming pool water, he doesn't want to swallow but ends up gulping it down, and his own belly begins to swell, but he continues with his work until Suzaku is as naked as he is, but his eyes, those damn hollows, are still closed.

Lelouch yanks him to the floor of the chapel and lets the stained light wash over them. Even the light, however, is dimmed by the swirling gases filling the chamber.

Lelouch runs his hands over Suzaku's colored body, into the cracks of busted skin and through the colonies of maggots. When he draws his fingers from the cracks, they are covered in tiny bits of flesh. It reminds him of those August days, in which the bodies had lain so thick upon the ground that there was no stepping over, only stepping on, except for towards the end of August, in which they was no stepping on and only stepping in. (The blood on their socks was brown, not red.) Inspired, Lelouch dives two hands into the seam of the corpse's deflated belly and pulls them in opposite directions, until the soft meat tears beneath him—and Lelouch's belly is empty from all the vomit and—

* * *

><p>—and in the end, Kururugi Suzaku is no more, because Lelouch has eaten him.<p>

* * *

><p>One should awake from nightmares of such caliber kicking and screaming, Lelouch thinks, but he wakes up slowly, and his heart isn't pounding, just thumping naturally. Nunally's previously cold body has become warm next to his. His body aches after having tried to throw up his spine mere hours before, but he wakes up without the traditional headache. He is not immediately hungry, but his stomach is calm, not so much as a growl to upset the balance.<p>

He moves against his sister, smelling her hair and running his hand over her back. Her beautiful princess skin is pink and healthy. She looks wonderful and golden in the early morning sunlight peeking from the high windows of this tomb.

How could he know, then, of the things to come? In this moment when he is not planning for the future or remembering the past and merely enjoying the present, how could he know?

That right now, Ougi is at the front of a crowd of angry soldiers, shouting, "No! We did what was right, we were ourselves the divine wind that expelled the foreign invaders from our motherland! But we are Knights for justice! We are not invaders ourselves!"

That right now, Schneizel and his selected troops are standing in a strange place, in front of a large door, and the Emperor is backed against the wall. "This is the end of your reign. But please, rest in peace, Father."

The first thing he does know besides Nunally is this: C.C. walks in with a phone in her hand—his cellphone, and it's ringing. Lelouch sits up and looks at her in question.

She says, "It's about time. I've been intercepting your calls until now. I thought it better that you did not deal with this issue. However, I can't ignore it any longer. So, here." And she holds out the cellphone to him, and on the screen is a caller ID.

Euphemia.


	10. Chapter 10

Been a while! I have to thank the latest review for reminding me I still have to update here, gee. Chapter ten is the penultimate chapter.

Warning: very small, passing mention of rape in this chapter.

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Chapter 10**

He takes the phone gently and, after a brief hesitation, hits the talk button. "...Euphy?"

"Oh, it's you!" The voice is very much not Euphemia's— it is masculine and mocking. This, then, is the Chinese man that disappeared with his sister: this is Mao. He says, "I was trying to get a hold of you in the first place, Lelouch, but I was lucky enough to be answered by C.C. all this time, so I admit I'm a little disappoi—"

"Who are you?" Lelouch cuts off.

"You already know my name, Lelouch."

Nunally has woken up and is propping herself up on her elbows. She frowns, sensing the tenseness in Lelouch.

"Mao?"

"That's right!"

"What have you done with Euphemia?"

"I told her the truth."

Somehow, with C.C. standing by the bedside and Nunally listening in, and especially after the night before, that statement is a lot more menacing than it should be."But what I did," Mao continues through Lelouch's pause, "is nothing compared to what you did."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lelouch growls, for some reason unable to contain his temper.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Mao says, his voice cheerful.

Lelouch sighs, growing wary of the conversation. He finds it harder than usual to go through the logical process of thought. He says, "You'll let me see her?"

"Of course, Lelouch. It isn't a matter of me letting anything. She came with me willingly, and she'll see you of her own will."

"Then I'll be coming for her," Lelouch hisses into the receiver. "Where?"

Mao giggles. "I'll arrange it and call you back, Lelouch. Say hi to the wife for me."

"You bastard—!"

But Mao has already hung up the phone.

* * *

><p>Kallen comes to see Lelouch, the information having been relayed to her through C.C.<p>

"You look tired," Kallen says lowly. Lelouch doesn't answer her. He finds himself not, for once, thinking much of anything, just sitting in a chair under the sunlight in the pristine white bathroom. His mind is blank. His mind is... _blank_. Full of the white noise of a tv station with nothing being broadcasted. Lelouch is waiting for Mao to call so that he may speak to Euphemia.

Kallen stands there for a while with a frown before sighing and shaking her head. "You can't go see her like that."

Lelouch quirks up an eyebrow at her, looking at her for the first time since she came into the room. Kallen crouches down beside him and picks up his hand. He hadn't realized how cold his skin was until she cradled it in her warmth. Lelouch stares at their joined fingers for a second before grunting in acknowledgement.

"I hadn't realized," he admits without shame: his fingernails have grown long and crooked and dirty.

"And this," Kallen whispers, reaching up and gently threading her fingers through a lock of his hair. When she tugs, her fingers do not slip through, but catch onto a knot, and the length tickles the lower reaches of his neck.

"...I forgot to comb it after the call," Lelouch says. Kallen looks him in the face with a strange twist to her lips and brow.

"And..."

She runs a hand along his face. The stubble there scratches them both.

Lelouch looks away from her and to Nunally. His poor sister looks worried. Lelouch can't have that.

"Don't worry about it," Lelouch says, and then he laughs a little and watches them start to relax. "I admit, I've been a little stressed out. Understandable. But... everything is going smoothly now. Japan is rewon and Euphemia will be back soon. It's fine."

Lelouch leans over and takes Nunally's hand. "It's fine." She smiles for him, hesitantly, but she does smile.

* * *

><p>When Kallen is gone and C.C. is sitting with Nunally in the bedroom, Lelouch takes the opportunity to clip his nails. He knows Nunally can hear the loud clack of the clippers, but she doesn't break conversation to listen to him. Then he combs out his hair, finds scissors, cuts it. Shaves his face cleanly.<p>

He looks at his reflection. He got a good sleep last night. The shadows aren't as noticeable.

Lelouch smiles at his image, and the cell rings again from atop the vanity.

* * *

><p>Lelouch is not surprised to discover that the only way a Britannian lives now in the new Japan is if he is wearing a Black Knights uniform. It's a very strange feeling, to put on the black jacket of his subordinates and then step out into the sunshine. To walk, a white man, amidst a crowd of Japanese, not a Britannian in sight unless it is a dead body or a prisoner or one of his own soldiers. To feel the breeze on his face— how long since that had been so? He can't remember —and be, not Zero, but a seventeen year old in a too-large uniform, looking for his sister.<p>

Kallen strides up to him as soon as he emerges from the government building.

"You got out okay?" she asks tensely (worried that someone might have seen Zero changing, or Lelouch emerging from Zero's quarters, or...). Lelouch fights down a smirk.

"Yes... sir," Lelouch says, and salutes for good measure. Kallen flushes and turns on her heel and beckons him. Like a commanding officer.

It's at least amusing, so Lelouch follows.

Lelouch breathes in deeply the smells of autumn. Underneath his feet, leaves crunch; above his head, the sun shines brightly but weakly; around him, a chill breeze blows. The air smells like death— the death of nature and men alike. Together he and Kallen climb over the ruins of the decimated city, sometimes going up the lean of a fallen over building and sometimes carefully sliding down the hill of debris from a personal home. Kallen looks back at him, annoyed, after they are passed by the third group of soldiers, on their way to some other task.

"...god, you really need to get in better shape."

Lelouch pants and slouches over his knees, trying to get over the stitch in his side and only being effective in dripping sweat onto the uniform. He'd say something back, he really would— except he can't get the breath.

She laughs softly and sits bedside him. He sighs and slumps down next to her. "Thank you," he pants out.

"Sure. Say, Lelouch..."

He hums. She looks at him strangely and says, "I thought you said you wore a small. So I got you a small."

"Yes...?" Lelouch drawls, wondering what— he looks down at the uniform —...oh.

She says, "Looks like you would wear an extra small. But then it'd be too short for you. You're really, really skinny."

Lelouch frowns. "I used to wear a small."

"You mean you got skinnier?" she gasps. "Is that alright?"

And it's like she has to touch him, to confirm for herself that he got skinnier, even though she never touched him when he was a little fuller. She circles his wrist with a thumb and her pinky. Some little disbelieving noise escapes her lips. "Are you—"

"Well, as I said," he interrupts, jerking his wrist away. "Stress, and all that. But I'm fine now."

He smiles at her. She doesn't look convinced. With a sigh he says,

"Alright, we'll change it right here and now. Why don't we go over there—" he points to some ever-industrious sandwich man who has set up shop even in the middle of such destruction, in one of the few patches of even land "—and get us something."

Kallen considers it, then smirks at him. "You paying?"

Lelouch laughs a little, but nervously. "It seems I, er, forgot to bring money with me."

Kallen rolls her eyes. "Oh fine. Not like a guy like you needs money, huh? I'll pay, get up."

They eat their sandwiches standing up, perched on top of a high hill of rubble. As various others walk by, they salute the captain of the Zero squad— and totally ignore the skinny little Britannian kid they don't know to be Zero himself. Lelouch smiles around his meatball sub. They look happy, even in shoveling house bits and fishing out dead noble house dogs.

"So," he whispers. At Kallen's muffled question, Lelouch says, "So these are my soldiers."

Kallen swallows and grins in pride. "They are a good people. Resilient. Hard working."

"I see," Lelouch agrees.

Lelouch manages down about three fourths of his sub and gives the rest to Kallen. She finishes and then they continue on. She stops him only once to say, "You missed a spot. How very regal." She licks her finger and swipes it at the corner of his lips to rub away meat sauce.

Lelouch blushes, just a little, but she has already turned her back and is moving on, over the destruction.

* * *

><p>It is nearly sunset by the time they arrive at Clovisland, or what is left of it. There are two knightmares crashed into the roller coaster and one on the carousel. As they draw near, the lights flash on and music, spitting with static, begins to play from a damaged sound system.<p>

"Kallen, wait here," Lelouch mutters.

"But—"

"Wait."

Kallen frowns at his back, but obeys.

Lelouch makes his way past the fountains and the collapsed tents, trudges through unkempt patches of grass and ripped trashbags, full of food or used to be (eaten by dogs and birds and honestly, the stench no longer bothers Lelouch). He looks into each stable as he goes by: the greenhouse is empty, and so is the bumper car building, the cafeteria and the bathroom stall house.

Outside with the rapidly falling darkness, Lelouch crunches a leaf beneath his foot. The chill wind blows, and leaves skitter like bugs. This is the season of death, Lelouch thinks. When the mushrooms come out and the old things die and the animals start to hide. Where not even a mosquito will come out to suck blood. Darkness comes faster. Only old warmth leftover from the summer. Deterioration.

Lelouch feels his nerves on edge. He twitches and swings his head around at every creak of the metal rides, every whoosh of a dangling cable pushed by wind. He sighs at first in relief and then in frustration, and then as he is about to call out for Mao to show himself, his phone starts chirping from his pocket. He jumps, gasping, and fumbles for the phone. Euphemia's ID again.

"...Euphy?"

"Not yet."

Lelouch twitches again and whirls around; the voice came both from the device in his ear and from behind him.

The man is tall, white-haired— bizarre. Sunglasses in the dark. Lelouch tries to swallow down his helplessly beating heart so that his fear, his nervousness, won't show. But the man slowly smiles, then giggles, then claps. Lelouch jumps at that cracking sound and hates himself for it.

"Mao?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to speak with you. Where's Euphemia?"

"We've been hiding together," Mao says with a tilt of his head. He reminds Lelouch of a bratty child.

"I don't care. Where is she?" Lelouch growls, already starting to move away and continue looking.

"I learned many interesting things from her. Like that you are her big brother. That's cute." Mao continues to smile under the melting heat of Lelouch's glare. (He can't believe Euphy actually—) "And that your mother died, boo hoo, and that you—" Mao's voice suddenly turns dark and angry, his face contorting into ugly madness "—sleep in the same bed as my C.C., you little punk."

Lelouch can feel a severe headache forming. He feels... why is it so hard to think about this? Why is his mind full of static? Lelouch can only squint at Mao, trying to... he's thinking about Euphy, and an image of C.C. swims forward to his mind's eye, but any further connections are behind a thick sheet of glass in his head. He can hear them, hear them pounding and yelling, but he can't understand what is being said.

Mao frowns, some of the anger melting. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The ideas come to him finally, coalescing, curdling like sour milk. "You're after C.C.? That's none of my business. She's her own woman. If you have something to say to her, say it to her. I just want my little sister back."

Mao tilts his head, frowning thoughtfully, like Lelouch is an interesting puzzle.

"...you want C.C. So you're—"

Mao huffs and says, "And here Euphy was telling me that you were a genius."

"Don't call her that! You have no right..."

"Your mind is awfully strange. But I suppose you came to the right conclusion in the end."

And with that, Mao slides his sunglasses down his nose and glares at Lelouch with two bright, gleaming red eyes. Lelouch removes his own eyepatch and stares right back. Mao sighs and breaks contact, covering his eyes once more.

"You're really no fun. There's something wrong with you," Mao whines. Like his toy is broken, son of a bitch.

"Shut up already, what's that even supposed to—"

"I mean, I brought you all the way here so you could appreciate your own handiwork, but I suppose I overestimated your own conscious. You're so very selfish. Standing here amongst the ruins of a city, and it's all your fault. Do you know how many people died because of you? Suffered because of you? And all you're thinking of is what you want. Selfish!"

Lelouch can't take it anymore, and so simply brushes past Mao, looking around the park for any sign or flash of pink hair. But Mao, his voice growing stronger and more mocking with every minute, will not stop.

"Zero, the miracle maker... But all your miracles are just a Geass spell. Force people into things, that's your idea of helping them? By taking away their rights and their freedom?"

"Shut up!"

"You used it on Euphy... You took away everything she had. Her home, her family, her knight, her rights, everything. And then you had her scrubbing floors! You took away every bit of her self-determination. You made her powerless and weak. And yet you come here now, asking for her, wanting her to come back to you? You haven't spoken to her once, how could you know that she even wants to come back to you? You don't even consider her feelings. Is she even alive to you?"

"I SAID BE QUIET!" Lelouch screams, voice stretched and sore. He breathes heavily from his mouth, awash in a sea of blind, thoughtless rage. The world is starting to tilt and swirl around him and he feels nauseous, despite the fact that he has come to a standstill.

"Euphy told me you did the same thing to Nunally—"

"I love them! They're my sisters!"

"You love your sisters, but you have no problem stringing Cornelia up and leaving her all by her lonesome back at Narita. I wonder how she's faring, a princess kept prisoner by the people that hate her most. Do you think they beat her often without Zero protecting her? Do you think the men rape her? Or maybe you don't care. You're a bit of a rapist yourself— stripping people of their human dignity like you do."

"I'm not a— I'm trying to make the world better!"

"By destroying it. By robbing people. By killing and torturing and locking people up. Oh yes, you're a real saint, Lelouch vi Britannia. Now tell me what this is really all about. Mad that your daddy never loved you?"

Lelouch feels his knees shake under him and he clasps a hand to his head to stave off the mounting migraine.

"Is that what this is? Trying to take away what he won fair and square? Trying to prove to him that you're not as worthless as he knows you are?"

"Be quiet..."

"Trying some desperate grab for power, controlling a nation, looking for the power you never had. But in the meanwhile, you're forcing your so called loved ones into their own brand of powerlessness. You're just like your father, destroying things and dismissing human existence as some trivial, irritating matter. Selfish boy, look around you. Does this look like the kind of world Nunally wants to live in?"

Lelouch closes his eyes to fight off the sickness. With a dull thudding pain, his knees hit the concrete below him.

"The world really can't be changed, you were right for thinking that. Even if you were a true ruler, you'd ruin it all to hell. It'd take a greater man than you, you worthless little monster, to save people. Someone kinder, stronger, honest and sincere..."

Mao grins and says,

"Someone like Suzaku."


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you all for reading. Be on the lookout for my next Code Geass upload. Now more than ever I would appreciate your final thoughts. Until next time!

* * *

><p><strong>Decayed<strong>

**Final Chapter**

"Lelouch? Lelouch..."

Lelouch cracks his eyes open while the world around him rumbles. Immediately he begins to writhe; his entire body is in excrutiating pain, from his eyeballs to his shins. He moans aloud without really understanding why anything is happening. The pain is unrelenting, coming in pulses, like waves cracking against his shores. With each surge he spasms, feeling like his very organs are being turned to mush. He can't sit still. His fingers and toes clench and curl. He registers dimly that the feeling under his hands is cracked concrete.

"Lelouch! Listen to me..."

theres nothing to listen to go away

He forces his eyes open again. The street light above is harsh against his eyes. He can't for even a moment focus his sight—green hair and pale skin swim in his watering vision. Where is he? Why is he on his back? Was he unconscious?

"What's happening—C.C. —am I shot? What is this? What—" Lelouch bites and spits out between shouts and groans.

C.C.'s voice, cool and clear, says, "You are uninjured—"

"Bullshit!"

"It's tr—"

"Why am I in pain!"

"Lelouch, you're doing it to yourself."

"I'm not!"

not not not not his eyes feel like they're bleeding what is this how could this be his own doing no

what was he doing last oh yes looking for euphemia and he

"Lelouch, you have to snap out of it. People need you. The Black Knights—"

"—screw them—"

"—Tokyo is being challenged. More importantly than that—"

"—it hurts, C.C., it hurts—"

"Your little sister has been kidnapped!"

Lelouch feels the pain start to subside. His heart calms while his body throbs with lingering pain and a deep rooted ache. He looks around wildly.

Ah. Tokyo is under attack. That explains the rumbling. The more Lelouch focuses, the more distinctly he can make out the sounds of metal screeching and bombs exploding.

...little sister...

"No," Lelouch pants. "Euphemia is dead."

shes dead he

he

he...

C.C. knits her brow. Lelouch can't place her expression; pity? frustration? "Not that I'm belittling your loss, but Lelouch, I'm talking about—"

"Where am I?" Lelouch becomes aware enough to ask. He is no longer in Clovisland. Where did Mao go? He looks up into the face of a Burai, apparently belonging to C.C. He has to squint to get it in focus—what's wrong with his eyes? They hurt so much.

C.C. purses her lips for a moment before saying, "I dragged you away from there."

"Away from where?"

C.C. doesn't answer. Instead she says gently, in a voice he's never gotten from her, "I'm trying to help you. Please listen."

"What is it?" Lelouch snaps, restless in his very core. He struggles and sits up, huffing and panting.

As the sounds of war grow nearer, her frown deepens. She looks incredibly old as she asks, "Why are you fighting? Didn't you want peace?"

This, at least, sinks through the haze of pain and confusion in Lelouch's brain. "I wanted it for the people I loved. Peace wasn't ever meant for me."

"But why not?" she whispers thickly.

Lelouch staggers to his feet and heads over to the Burai. He doesn't have an answer for that. What he knows is that there is a war going on over there, and he is the commander. His place is at the head of this war.

"Lelouch," C.C. calls desperately, "it's Nunally. Nunally! Do you hear me! Your little sister Nunally is in danger!"

Lelouch looks down at her from the open cockpit. "Are you coming to the battlefield? You should probably stay back."

C.C. stares up with reproachful golden eyes. The eyes of a creature kicked by man. She shakes her head slowly, he doesn't know to what, and takes a few steps back. He nods grimly and the hatch closes.

She watches him go, tasting defeat and the fruitlessness of hope. She thinks, Why couldn't he have been simple? Why is this road so long?

* * *

><p>nunally<p>

nunally... oh well

better off

wherever

like euphy

better off dead than in this shithole

why cant he wake up from this goddamn nightmare

* * *

><p>("Mao, leave him alone!"<p>

"I'd stay away from him if I were you, girl. His mind just went blank."

"I don't want to hear it. What have you done to him? I never wanted this! My brother..."

"Do what you want. I just want him away from C.C. So now that he's a vegetable over here, I'll just give her a call and—"

"Mao, Mao, please help him..."

"What! No way, no way, no way no way no way!"

"I'm sorry, Lelouch."

"Euphy..."

Smile. "Lelouch. Oh, I've missed you. I'm sorry for leaving."

"Euphy..." Weak. "...why did you leave the Black Knights?"

Frown. Red rings. "You said to join the Black Knights if I didn't want to fight you. I suppose I came to want to fight you."

Silence. Gun. Bang.

* * *

><p>"Lelouch...! Why...?" )<p>

* * *

><p>dont think about it don't think about it blood NO stop death NO<p>

fighting for... what? knows he has to go fight, but what for? this is all just a horrible dream. its just not okay, not plausible, not excusable. no reason things should be like this, not from the very beginning. mothers shouldnt be gunned down by whoever and young boys shouldnt kill their father and

Lelouch wheels off in the Burai towards the sound of gunfire and thunderous destruction. He takes a moment before arriving to slip into the zero suit that C.C. had wisely thought to bring with her. The space is cramped and uncomfortable, but he manages to maneuver into place. The mask slides slickly and clicks finally.

hell never remove it again no not ever no need anymore

With gun raised, he charges into the battle, while above the Siegfriend looms in Black Knights color. Higher than this an airship hovers, on the so called float system, her sides painted with the Britannian flag—this, then, is Avalon, that which the reports spoke of. Schneizel's battleship.

...

what are you fighting for

...the government bureau his castle the command center they must not take it back

—as he throws himself deeper into the battle, the controls begin to rattle under his fingers. The city, already keeled over and broken apart from the last battle, is being slowly reduced to nothing. Dust to dust, and in a strange way, it pleases him. Perhaps this is what he's longed for: the destruction of everything—

my castle in which the beds are soft and i can have suzaku and my family will be secure

(But he's dead.)

not in my dreams hes not hes always

(But you killed her.)

who

(Euphy.)

what are you talking about

(You said it yourself. Euphemia is dead. You killed her.)

i dont remember that no i was just talking to mao when

(When what.)

—"Why are you just standing there! We need your help!" Inoue calls as she wheels in front of him, thinking him, obviously, as a regular unit. "Go to section—"

Lelouch guns her down so he doesn't have to bear her grating voice or insubordination or her suspcious glares or

(You left Nunally.)

nunally is at the bureau

(She was kidnapped. Don't you listen? C.C. said as much. Someone stole Nunally away and you're just going to let her die.)

no im not shes at the bureau shes at the bureau and this world is shit everyone betrays everyone and everyone dies cant trust anyone not even euphy better off gone this is a nightmare just a damn nightmare the real world is over there

(Over where.)

you know over there this is only a nightmare i have to wake up

(What are you fighting for?)

Be quiet.

Lelouch raises his gun and fires. These people are in his way. Black Knights and Britannians alike scatter and explode in a cloud of confusion and fire.

* * *

><p>Things Lelouch does not see:<p>

* * *

><p>Schneizel on high. Gazing cooly down his nose at dots on a screen and thinking it really is far too late for this settlement. It's a shame. This place will be uninhabitable after this. Area 11 will be nothing more than a territory, not even a reformational area. The Elevens with their restless hearts and vicious leader can't be allowed to live. They must be destroyed. Area 11 will only be useful for its sakuradite, and it'll even lose the vast majority of its workers.<p>

Coming up to his side, Kanon Maldini gives him a little smile. "Your Majesty, I've just received word that Princess Cornelia has been safely recovered."

Schneizel sighs a little from his nose and lowers himself back down to his throne. 'Your Majesty' they call him now, as opposed to 'Your Highness'. He takes a moment to weigh the new responsibilities that come attached to the title. He considers all the many areas and nations that belong now to him and what he must do for the good of the many despite the few.

Such in mind, he asks, "And Euphemia?"

"No sign of her, sir," Kanon says frankly.

Schneizel will mourn for her when he has the time. For now he must do that which is necessary, just like dethroning his father was necessary. He says, "Then ready the Hadron Canons. Now is as good a time as ever to test them."

"Yes, sir," Kanon agrees easily. He pauses, however, in the middle of turning away. "By the way, sir..."

"Yes?" Schenizel feels a smile of his own tug the corners of his mouth by Kanon's warm tone.

"Congratulations on your ascension. May Britannia and the world ever prosper under your rule."

"Yes. Of this there is no doubt."

* * *

><p>Kaguya throws open the doors to the bathroom. Not there. The doors to the closet. Not there.<p>

"Nunally!" she calls at the top of her voice, attempting to be heard over the sounds of war above.

"Lady Kaguya, we must get to safety—"

"Not without Nunally!"

"Who is—"

"A little girl in a wheelchair! How could she have slipped past any of you? Find her, find her! She's my sister-in-law, so find her!"

* * *

><p>Ougi grits his teeth and braces himself against the shockwaves of the fight. His fingers are pure white against the control panel. Sweat drips down his nose. His friends all are dying.<p>

"Zero," he whispers to himself and feels the vast sea of helplessness swallow him whole and drown him. "Zero, where are you? Zero, we need you! Have you really abandoned us? Zero!"

* * *

><p>C.C. crests the pile of rubble on the outskirts of town where Clovisland sprawls. She sees in the center there, next to the fountain, two immobile bodies. One is Euphemia, with her beautiful hair destroyed, lopped off and stained now with her very own blood. As C.C. draws nearer, she sees that Euphemia is freshly dead, and that her skin is mottled where tears made their tracks. Her arms are spread wide open, feet together, as if she fell backwards in the middle of offering an embrace.<p>

The other body is Mao. She kneels beside him and fails to be surprised when he groans and shifts and opens his eyes. Of course he's alive. Of course the one she didn't want was the one who wanted to make her happy, who kept himself alive no matter what.

"...C.C.? C.C.! It's you! It's really...!"

And weakly he throws the arm that doesn't currently have a bullet lodged in it around her neck. She lays her cheek against his and sighs. "It's been a while, Mao."

* * *

><p>V.V. taps his feet gently against the stone floor beneath him. The sky above shines ever in sunset colors. He feels in his soul that his little brother Charles is dead. The only choice now is to quicken the pace of Ragnarok, and for the sake of that, he must have C.C. And C.C. is with V.V.'s despicable nephew Lelouch.<p>

V.V. hums and looks up at his niece, Nunally. "Do you think he's charging over right now to come save you?"

Nunally says nothing, but her face scrunches and her hands quiver where they are folded in her lap.

After some time more of silence, it seems that she cannot hold back the floods of her feelings. The young girl says, "I want to believe he is."

"He loves you very much," V.V. says with a smile, remembering watching Lelouch and Nunally as children, from afar.

"Yes, but that means surprisingly little to a person like Lelouch," she whispers, then whimpers.

V.V. looks at her sharply from the corner of his eyes, chin still resting in hand. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Nunally says with fat teardrops from the barest slit of opened eyes. "There is something... unsatisfied in Lelouch's heart. There's something unbalanced there."

* * *

><p>Lelouch pants through his nose. He feels his eyes begin to burn again, but this time it is because of the oppressive black smog filling the air. It is so thick that it somehow makes it through the Burai's air filters and into Lelouch's cockpit. He coughs miserably as his chest begins to feel tighter and tighter.<p>

At length he has no choice but to abandon the cramped cockpit for fear of suffocation. He ducks for cover in the shade of a half-collapsed building and rips off his mask to get more air. The sudden gulps he gathers burn his lungs and churn his weak stomach. He can't help the bit of vomit that makes its way up. It's the sandwhich he ate with Kallen.

"Zero...?"

Lelouch snarls and glares up at the intruder. It is Urabe, wide-eyed, poking from the back hatch of his Burai.

"Zero... Is that really you? Where have you been and..."

They stare each other down, one with an inexplicable rage and one with shock and some tiny hint of fear. Suddenly a great crash sends white dust into the air. When it clears, a Sutherland raises its gun, sights set on Zero. Lelouch hurriedly turns to Urabe.

"Protect me!" he screams, red eyes blazing.

"Yes, sir!" Urabe shouts back as Lelouch makes a desperate scramble away. Without even bothering with enough time to close his hatch, Urabe charges forward in his Burai and takes the Sutherland's onslaught.

Lelouch clambers back into his own Burai and wheels away as Urabe and the Sutherland simultaneously destruct in a plume of hellfire.

* * *

><p>Ougi slams his fist on the table. One of the girls at communications instinctively looks back, frightened.<p>

"...damn... it can't end like this...!"

Zero had been secretive. Zero had been gone for many long periods. Zero had pushed their soldiers too hard. Zero had treated them like pawns. Zero had tried to pull something over on them all with Euphemia.

And yet still... Ougi had wanted to believe in him.

"Fight to your last breath!" Ougi barks, feeling the words sting his mouth. "We can still turn this around!"

Kallen beside him jumps into an automatic salute. "Yes, Ougi!" She begins to march away.

"Kallen," Rakshata calls, "you must look for Zero!"

Kallen hesitates and frowns sadly. She left him to C.C. because... "I don't think he'll be much help, actually."

* * *

><p>Cornelia looks into the faces of her supposed rescue team as they fold her into blankets and tuck her into a helicopter. She'd already managed to escape on her own, and they only met her halfway down the mountain—she hates that they fuss over her now, as if she needs it.<p>

The screams of the Black Knights ring out below on the snowcapped mountainsides of Narita.

"What's the situation? Where's Le—Zero? Euphemia?" she demands.

She must find Euphemia. But no one is looking at her.

* * *

><p>Nina lowers herself carefully from the giant cupped hand of the Lancelot right after Lloyd. Cecile straightens the hulking white machine and assures them over loud speaker.<p>

"Don't worry. You'll be safe now. I'll go join the Britannia forces. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Cecile, but try not to beat the machine up, will you?" Lloyd says airily.

Nina hides her face in her hands and cries in sheer terror.

* * *

><p>Lelouch finally cracks a smile under his mask. There it is—the government bureau. His castle. So close. His sister is there. His bed is there. The end of nightmares. The dawn breaks overhead.<p>

And there, riding down the slopes of pavement, is his ever loyal bodyguard, Kallen. Lelouch opens a channel to her. "Kallen—"

"Look out!" she screams.

He panels his fact spheres all around, not seeing the cause of distress—not until, that is, he looks straight up. Schneizel's ship casts a massive shadow over the battleground.

Something red sparks from inside the gaping hole in the Avalon.

* * *

><p>"Fire," Schneizel orders.<p>

* * *

><p>C.C. heaves Mao along, his arm thrown over her shoulder. He limps heavily, but she managed to stopper the bleeding, if only temporarily. The man is pale, but he smiles at her gently. They pause to watch the red rain down on the battlefield, see the fire and the smoke that rises afterwards. Then they continue on, because it has nothing to do with them.<p>

Mao says, "I don't know what you ever saw in that jerk anyway."

C.C. could say quite a few things to that. She could say that Lelouch had the greatest potential she had ever witnessed in a man. Or she could say he wasn't always like this. Or she could explain about how there was no one to stand with him or against him. He saw no equal, he accepted no man. He decided on his own to be lonely.

But instead she says, "Don't die on me, Mao."

And he laughs a little wildly and shouts, "Never! Never never never!"

* * *

><p>( "Wait for me, Lelouch. In the world of C.")<p>

* * *

><p>...<p>

...

...

"Lelouch? Lelouch..."

Lelouch breathes in. Lelouch breathes out.

The smell of sweet sunflowers, of summer air and hot dirt and tall grass, fills his body. He can almost picture each inhale as a light, fluffy swirl, filling his insides and warm the parts of him that had been empty.

He lays with arms spread, nestled down to the good earth, and the sun is bright on his eyelids. He feels as light as a feather.

A gentle smile stretches his lips.

"Lelouch," the voice laughs.

Lelouch opens his eyes, contentment alighting his face, and sees hisself reflected back in Suzaku's happy expression.

"Come here," Lelouch whispers. Suzaku huffs a small, quiet little chuckle and lays by Lelouch's side. They turn to each other, green peeking at violet over blades of viridian grass.

"I've missed you," Suzaku says calmly. "I hope you'll be happy here. Euphemia is waiting, too."

"I knew it," Lelouch hums, glad to finally be awake. The chill from his nightmare has nearly all dissipated. "I will definitely be happy if you're here."

"You think so?" Suzaku laughs.

"Yes," Lelouch says firmly. There's a great knowing within him somehow. "It's something like fate."

Suzaku turns on his back and watches the sky. "Fate, huh?"

"Yes. We were always meant to be together."

Suzaku grins, eyes fixed on the clouds above, and a blush forms high on his cheeks. "Well, we could always accomplish anything when we were together."

Lelouch props himself up and leans over Suzaku, smiling a rare, beautiful, happy smile. The same smile as when they were both children. His handsome face glows in the colors of summer. He is delighted that Suzaku understands so easily. "Of course. And without each other, we're nothing. Yes. Of course!"

"But we're all together, now."

Lelouch feels relief course through him. Drained, he sags down and rests his forehead on Suzaku's shoulder. "Yes. As it should be. Yes."

And he is happy.

...

...

...

* * *

><p>Some days after the retaking of Tokyo, when all the Elevens are dead or fled, Britannian soldiers and workers do their best to sort out their land. Mostly their job is to clear the rubble as best they are able and to drag dead bodies to the mass grave sites being prepared for them. The stench of Tokyo, they joke grimly, curdles the milk of cows in India.<p>

Joseph, a new recruit, gives out a startled yell. His comrades turn to ask the matter. The boy points to the twisted wreckage of an Eleven Burai and gapes in astonishment. The other men stumble and slide down their hill and into the shadowed valley.

There in the ripped cockpit of the Burai is the rumored crazed leader of the Elevens, Zero.

"Woah," Madden laughs, crouching close despite the rotten smell. "Look at this! Wow, he looks like such a freak up close!"

"Take off the mask!" someone jeers. "We'll be the ones to discover Zero's true identity!"

Madden boldly reaches in, but the men are soon disappointed. The face is unrecognizable.

Removed of the mask, it is plain to see that this man had begun to decay long ago.

* * *

><p>.<p>

.

.

(end)


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